Looking Back

Time travels so fast. its such an odd thing really. something so untangible. it is amazing to look back upon ourselves over a period of years, and see where life has brought us. most of what we see is a result of what we have done, the choices we have made, the things we have done, and said. but some of lifes events are ones that are thrown at us from left field, and we have to just take, or not. which plays into our choices... year to year i see myself becoming a new person. different in so many ways. the way i think, the way i feel about so many things, and people, the things i spend time on, and the things i forget about. importances of life seem to fluxuate with the wind at times, but then some things in life seem to flow with the current and stay rooted within.

This year i have found myself to be the most grown up i think i have ever been. i feel more stable than ever, more consistantly happy, more self sustainable, than ever imagined. maybe it was finding my own wings after losing my mother. i went through a year of craziness and self centeredness that almost brought upon the loss of a marraige and did bring upon a loss of friends. and now, through the thick of it, i feel less naive, per say, about people, and their intentions... for the first time i felt true betrayal, and it has made me a stronger person. but it has also weakened my heart in the forgiveness department, which saddens me. i used to think i loved everyone in the world, a bit naive i guess. but i realize now, that some people you just simply cant trust, or just dont need in your life...

so now, all of that done and gone, i have grown through these experiences to be who i am today. maybe a bit less naive, a little less trusting, but a much more sincere human being. a more trust worthy person myself. i have seen who i never want to be again, and that has changed me all for the better. i thank god for my experiences in life, not losing my mother of course, i would give anything in the world to have her here with me, seriously. but the things i have learned from and since then. i could go on for hours. but those of you who actually 'know' me, already know.

and i cant wait to see where life takes me and how i change again next year. it is just amazing to me. there is always potential to grow and to learn, from each other, and from our own personal experiences. so if you happen to be going through a tough time, or some extreme deep trenches in your life, just remember that in the end it is your choice how you come out of it. no one elses but you.

choose to live your life with life. its the only one you have. give it your all, and make the best of it. be thankful you are here, and hug and love those around you.