This is probably the hardest post ive ever writen.  I have been avoiding getting online this week, but I know I cannot run from it forever.  And if I have ever been anything here online, its been real.  This is life...  I lost my daddy to sadness this week.  I have so many emotions right now that Im sort of blank and numb.  I feel sad, angry, lost, hurt, confused.  A part of me wishes I would have done more, although I know I cannot go there.  My daddy was one of the most quirky one of a kind people I knew.  There is not another one like him.  All he truly wanted to was to love someone and do things for someone and feel truly accepted for who he was.  Since my mom has been gone, he just couldnt fill that hole I think.  Im not really sure, Im left with so many questions.  The only comfort I can find right now is knowing that if he truly was hurting so badly, he is no longer suffering. 

I may not be very active online for a while.  Or I may.  I may find that working is one way I can keep my mind off of it.  I guess I will just be taking it one day at a time.  So if you see me all of a sudden posting, its the only way I know to keep going and not just let myself wonder around this house.  I dont want anyone to worry about me.  After making it through losing my mom 3 years ago, I feel like I just know I can do this too.  It hurts so badly, but I know I have been blessed with so many people surrounding me with love.  I have such amazing family and friends and they are all taking such good care of me.  Please just pray for peace.  For everyone who loved him and for his soul.

I have alot of people to respond to, and know that I will as I can.
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