My darling bella...

My little Bella kitty has been right by my side as usual lately.  The other day I was sitting in the garage going through some of my dad's old photos, and she came back there, and immediately noticed the box I had just emptied out.  I love how she squeezes herself into anything she can barely fit into.  It was nice to have her by my side.  Since being in this new house, she has developed new routines.  Since she can play in the yard unassisted now, it is her favorite place.  So now each morning she paws at me to go outside for her morning hour of bird watching and dirt rolling.  I cant believe she has picked that over her food obsession first thing in the morning!  If you know Bella, you know she loves her food.  And she just loves sitting on the edge of my desk by the window.  Not sure what Id do without this plump little furball right now. 

I finally found it in me to clean house today.  I feel so accomplished.  Seriously, the smallest of things right now seem so monumental to get done.  I still haven't folded my mound of laundry, but I will get to it.  I have been unable to bring myself to clean or do anything around the house for over a week now.  Which is very unlike me, I clean everyday, a bit obsessive maybe...  But it actually seemed to lift my soul to be able to tackle it today.  It was like a mini milestone in this grieving process.  Ive been finding that reading the books I ordered about this subject have really helped.  It has allowed me to feel normal with all of these crazy feelings Im having, and has shown me that so many others have been in my shoes.  Makes me feel not quite so alone.  I just ordered two more specifically on surviving after suicide loss.  I know that the only way I will heal and get through this is to face it in a real way, not just look the other direction.  

I would like to give a big thank you to all of my readers who have been leaving such sweet comments, and are still coming to my little corner of the world even though its a bit dark right now.  A part of me thinks I shouldnt share this stuff, but I feel I must.  Maybe somewhere someone will be helped by it.  And my personal thoughts on blogging (at least for me), is to keep it real to life.  As much as I love pretty photos and outfits posts, that is not what it is all about.  This is my little space to share all of my life, the ups and the downs, b/c lets face, we all have them.  We are all on this journey together and we can all learn from each other.  So, thank you.