Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally. I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in. I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out. In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness. Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon. I hold these moments deep in my heart.
This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over. Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own. When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster. The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable. Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse. I let fear consume me.
On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart. Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child. But in general. I was allowing fear to take over me. I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body. I spent the entire day in my stick tipi. Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how. Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.
I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening. It was the most amazing experience. It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt). There were messages all around me during those weeks.
By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby. I told that moon that I was ready. To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow. TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant. I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC. I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed. And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is. My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years. She is an angel and a healer. To her mama at least. She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon. And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE. She is our moon baby, our little moon.
I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse. Full circle. Circle of Life.