This Too Shall Pass

Dear mom,

I wish I could have one of these right now.

This week has been emotionally draining on top of being busy. Its times like these I just wish my mom were here to hug and to talk to. I have tons of orders in that I am working on filling. Which would normally be fun and wonderful, I am always grateful for the work I have ahead of me. But for some reason this week, mixed in with tons of errands, pet sitting, change of relationship dynamics, and general fatigue, I am just bummed.

Sorry to be a downer. These are the moments that make up our lives too. So why not share them? I am not all smiles and happy crafting 24/7.

This too shall pass.


Happy Birthday Mom

Today's blog is going to be all over the place...

Today, June 14th is my momma's birthday. Its also flag day. And now a day to remember. Its weird, it feels like this is her first birthday without her, but its already the third. I was laying in bed yesterday staring up at the photo collage I have of her up on her dresser, and just thinking about how when January comes along this year it will be 3 years since she has been gone. That is just so weird to me. I dont know how else to describe it. For the most part, it has gotten easier as time has gone by. But there are still those days you just cant hardly stand her being gone. I pray that she is in cahoots with God right now about some things going on in the family, and that somehow it is all for the greater good.

I dont know exactly how I will celebrate that it is her birthday today, I guess I will just be thinking of her alot. Luckily I have a long to do list, so I will stay pretty busy. I am in the middle of pet sitting and house cleaning about 25 miles away from here, so I will be somewhat distracted. Not that I want to be distracted from my mom, I guess just getting sad.

Of the few photos I have, this is one of my favorites of her and I.

Happy Birthday Mom, I love you.

Onto a much lighter note (sorry)...

I finished Shauna's (PPP) custom necklace yesterday, and I think it is so adorable. How could it not be with those two cuties!!! It was an honor to take her family photos, but then to be able to make one of my photo necklaces from those photos, was just really awesome!

Since it is such a process to make photo jewelry, I always like to make a batch if I can while I have everything out. So I have 22 new photo pendants coming to the shop! Here are the ones already listed. I have round and square ones.

I am listing all of my photo jewelry in my photography shop from here on out. So you can find them all there!



'peacock feather'

'umbrella dance'

'the butterfly collector'

And here is my diptych project for week 11 of Miss Match.

our theme was VOICE. I chose to photograph my mom's Janis Joplin vinyl on top of the quilt she made when she was my age. I love how it came out so much. The print is now available in the shop for all of you Janis fans!

right: me


Love you, Mom

This post was meant for yesterday...

Funny thing, I never used to do 'mothers day', we always agreed it was just another day, and that you should honor your love for you mother everyday, not just one day through a greeting card and some flowers... but now that she is gone, mothers day has a new special meaning to me. Its a bittersweet feeling.

I was so completely blessed to have my mom be mine, for 25 years of my life. She was the most nurturing, inspiring, loving mothers in the world. My nanna tells me that from the time she was a little girl, all she wanted to be was a mother. It was her calling. Of course she was also an amazing artist, wife, sister, friend, and all of the other things you could be.

I actually havent been blogging alot lately because Ive been a bit down, missing her, and feeling aching in my heart for my daddy. Just going through a bit of a nostalgic period... The emotions life carries with it, are inevitable at times...

So here, in short, is a bit of a time line of my mom. I could post the biggest blog ever with photos, so I tried to keep it short with some of my favorites. And mostly about me and her.

This is when she was probably younger than I am. She is the one on the far right, the middle is her sister, Lisa, and the left was her best friend, Bev. I love this photo so much.
Her gazing at me when i was a baby :)
Swimming at nannas house! There is another photo from this day where she is laying in a lawn chair and im walking to her with my bathing suit almost to my ankles, i was telling her i had to pee :)
feeding the deer at canyon lake.
i just love this photo, her eyes were so beautiful. i loved the color of them, my brother got her eyes. she was so happy about this cup of tea, i remember. this was a fun mother daughter day.
she always kept these two photos together because of how much we look alike, we were about the same age in these photos. and this is the longest my hair has ever been!
ha ha, her perm days! and my goth days
me and my pap on her birthday...
high school days...
she loved james, which makes my heart happy...
around the time she found out she had cancer, we cut her hair short before her chemo...
had a campfire, and she was doing sun salutations!
after her chemo, showing her bravery, and sillyness :)
i love this photo, it shows how close we felt for each other, my best friend.
all we need in this photo is rain!
her and my brother, love this photo. she cared for that boy sooooo much. when her hair grew back in after chemo it was gray, and i loved it!
on my wedding day, i wish i had more photos of her from it...
our hug right after i got married.
our last photo together...
this may be really sad to look at for some of you, but this is the beautiful coffin that my daddy made for her with his own hands, while she was sick. it was probably one of the hardest things he has ever done, but he was is a carpenter, and what an honor it was for her for him to have the courage to do this.
and these are the little things she requested to send along with her. yes, that is a pinecone! she loved collecting these. Everything in this world was 'special' to her. Even to the last moment, she was telling us to make sure to put these little 'special' things with her.
I wish each and everyone of you could have known my mom, i guarantee she would have changed your life just a bit, even if you just met her once. She was that amazing of a woman.

I love you mom.

"Got to get back to the land and set my soul free"


Looking Back

Time travels so fast. its such an odd thing really. something so untangible. it is amazing to look back upon ourselves over a period of years, and see where life has brought us. most of what we see is a result of what we have done, the choices we have made, the things we have done, and said. but some of lifes events are ones that are thrown at us from left field, and we have to just take, or not. which plays into our choices... year to year i see myself becoming a new person. different in so many ways. the way i think, the way i feel about so many things, and people, the things i spend time on, and the things i forget about. importances of life seem to fluxuate with the wind at times, but then some things in life seem to flow with the current and stay rooted within.

This year i have found myself to be the most grown up i think i have ever been. i feel more stable than ever, more consistantly happy, more self sustainable, than ever imagined. maybe it was finding my own wings after losing my mother. i went through a year of craziness and self centeredness that almost brought upon the loss of a marraige and did bring upon a loss of friends. and now, through the thick of it, i feel less naive, per say, about people, and their intentions... for the first time i felt true betrayal, and it has made me a stronger person. but it has also weakened my heart in the forgiveness department, which saddens me. i used to think i loved everyone in the world, a bit naive i guess. but i realize now, that some people you just simply cant trust, or just dont need in your life...

so now, all of that done and gone, i have grown through these experiences to be who i am today. maybe a bit less naive, a little less trusting, but a much more sincere human being. a more trust worthy person myself. i have seen who i never want to be again, and that has changed me all for the better. i thank god for my experiences in life, not losing my mother of course, i would give anything in the world to have her here with me, seriously. but the things i have learned from and since then. i could go on for hours. but those of you who actually 'know' me, already know.

and i cant wait to see where life takes me and how i change again next year. it is just amazing to me. there is always potential to grow and to learn, from each other, and from our own personal experiences. so if you happen to be going through a tough time, or some extreme deep trenches in your life, just remember that in the end it is your choice how you come out of it. no one elses but you.

choose to live your life with life. its the only one you have. give it your all, and make the best of it. be thankful you are here, and hug and love those around you.