UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE MOON

Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally.  I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in.  I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out.  In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness.  Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon.  I hold these moments deep in my heart.

This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over.  Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own.  When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster.  The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable.  Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse.  I let fear consume me. 

On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart.  Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child.  But in general.  I was allowing fear to take over me.  I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body.  I spent the entire day in my stick tipi.  Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how.  Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.

I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening.  It was the most amazing experience.  It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt).  There were messages all around me during those weeks.

By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby.  I told that moon that I was ready.  To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow.  TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant.  I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC.  I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed.  And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is.  My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years.  She is an angel and a healer.  To her mama at least.  She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon.  And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE.  She is our moon baby, our little moon.

I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse.  Full circle.  Circle of Life.

HOLSTEE MANIFESTO

This poster from Holstee adorns my studio walls, and I know I already shared it in my studio makeover post, but I thought it might be good to share as a stand alone post... I think it speaks for itself and could be read over and over and over again...

We are coming up on the most powerful full moon of the year in conjunction with an eclipse + several other intense aspects going on astrologically... Take some time this weekend to really dig deep into yourself to see what still needs letting go of, what things you would like to change about yourself and make plans on how you can actually implement them into your daily life to create real, lasting change, and what beautiful dreams you would like to see manifest in your life.  Make intent around this time.  How will you live this one precious life? What passions will you share with the world?  What will you change?

YOU ARE THE MAGIC

via rootsandfeathers.com

you are the magic

Wearing my Umber Dove ring on my wedding ring finger has kept these words so alive. This new moon in Virgo has brought in deep awareness and reminders that I am in charge of the direction of my life and what I allow to affect me. I choose love, forgiveness, and presence. I choose to create fertile grounds for new growth in my life. I choose to stare myself in the face and own the reflection of what the past mirrors to me. I choose to embrace what makes me feel whole, loved and accepted, and let go of that which doesn't feed me, nourish me or help me blossom into the best version of myself. I'm constantly learning, growing, changing, letting go, making new, as we all are. I choose to change the world by loving myself and nurturing my small piece of the world. I may not be able to do great acts but I can do lots of small acts with love. I fumble and fail and make mistakes, some that embarrass me for years, but that's okay, it's all part of it. I will continue to try to learn from my mistakes and use those lessons as tools for my future. I carry with me in my toolbox the heartbeat of my mother, and will one day share this heartbeat with a little of my own. My prayer to the universe is to help me carve out the places inside me that no longer serve me or anyone else, and make room for a new light to enter.


This was a little something I shared on my instagram the other day, and just thought it needed a space here on the blog...

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GATHERING BONES


Forgiveness is understanding,
That I may never know,
Why we hurt each other,
Or which one of us needs to grow.

~Kaypacha


Kaypacha's video spoke right to my heart last night.  This space I have been maneuvering through this past month, and still journeying on through September it looks like, has been twisty, uneasy, and out of the blue, and at the same time so healing, needed and full of breaking my heart open to release past shards that were left stuck inside of it where I just let the muscle just grow right over.  This month has been like a surgeon, digging deeply in to find the culprits and plucking them out one by one so that my heart can soften, forgive, and pump wildly for what deserves its attention. 

I have been a coward, and I have also been brave.  I have spoken my truth.  I have shared my heart, and I have held my own heart on the shower floor.  I have forgiven, and I have also allowed ego to still hold on.  I have begged for answers, and am softening into never having them.  I am gathering my bones, and I will make a fucking beautiful life and work of art out of them.

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