UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE MOON

Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally.  I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in.  I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out.  In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness.  Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon.  I hold these moments deep in my heart.

This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over.  Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own.  When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster.  The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable.  Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse.  I let fear consume me. 

On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart.  Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child.  But in general.  I was allowing fear to take over me.  I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body.  I spent the entire day in my stick tipi.  Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how.  Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.

I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening.  It was the most amazing experience.  It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt).  There were messages all around me during those weeks.

By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby.  I told that moon that I was ready.  To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow.  TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant.  I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC.  I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed.  And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is.  My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years.  She is an angel and a healer.  To her mama at least.  She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon.  And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE.  She is our moon baby, our little moon.

I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse.  Full circle.  Circle of Life.

YOU ARE THE MAGIC

via rootsandfeathers.com

you are the magic

Wearing my Umber Dove ring on my wedding ring finger has kept these words so alive. This new moon in Virgo has brought in deep awareness and reminders that I am in charge of the direction of my life and what I allow to affect me. I choose love, forgiveness, and presence. I choose to create fertile grounds for new growth in my life. I choose to stare myself in the face and own the reflection of what the past mirrors to me. I choose to embrace what makes me feel whole, loved and accepted, and let go of that which doesn't feed me, nourish me or help me blossom into the best version of myself. I'm constantly learning, growing, changing, letting go, making new, as we all are. I choose to change the world by loving myself and nurturing my small piece of the world. I may not be able to do great acts but I can do lots of small acts with love. I fumble and fail and make mistakes, some that embarrass me for years, but that's okay, it's all part of it. I will continue to try to learn from my mistakes and use those lessons as tools for my future. I carry with me in my toolbox the heartbeat of my mother, and will one day share this heartbeat with a little of my own. My prayer to the universe is to help me carve out the places inside me that no longer serve me or anyone else, and make room for a new light to enter.


This was a little something I shared on my instagram the other day, and just thought it needed a space here on the blog...

CAMP MAGIC

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Hello little blog.  How I have missed thee.  I had a little camping adventure this weekend, and upon my return, my computer was fried.  So there has been a little cyber world delay...  But here I am.  My sweet soul sister Robin came to stay the weekend with us.  It was the perfect combination of relaxation, exploration, soul excavation and magic.  I packed the essentials... you know... sunnies, lip balm, peppermint oil, birth chart and tarot.  What else could you need?  Just kidding, we had tons of blankets, pillows, a gallon of water and matches, oh, and strawberry beer, you know, essentials.  I used this gorgeous bag from Chicwish to carry it all in, and then I used to while hiking in the woods to gather sticks, stones and bones in. 

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We stayed out at my parents place for our camp out.  It was no less than pure magic.  After a hike through the woods we made a fire and sat around and talked and read up on the current moon magic going on.  My conversations with Robin are always so intimate and heart felt.  A true connection.  An almost unearthly connection.  James jokes about how we are twins, which is so funny because he dated her all through high school.  Im so so happy she is back in our lives. 

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Magic by the fire.  This is Robin and James, two extensions of my own heart.  After the fire we bundled up in our sleeping bags.  It was freezing.  By morning we all had frost on our blankets.  It was an almost full moon, so the night sky was lit up and glowing for us.  Throughout our sleep we could hear the calls of peacocks, turkeys and owls.  A magical woodland.  And awoke to doves and cardinals busily going about their mornings.  I did not want to leave.  My heart, body, mind and soul wants to be out there.  For the rest of my days.  It is my dream. 

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The deer bones we gathered on our hike. 

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The day after, Robin loving on Bella.  We explored some deep dark avenues of ourselves with each other.  It feels so safe to have a friend who you can go so deep in the forest with, and not be afraid to be left alone, to navigate through the darkness.  Now if only we were able to see each other more than twice a year.  This has got to change.  And today, just three short days later, I have already received a hand written letter in the mail from this lovely.  See?  Amazing.  James better watch out or I may just fall for his ex girlfriend, haha.