Soul searching for a moment >>>

Today (and the last few days) I really really really really miss my mom.  To the point where I feel like freaking out.  Although I know that will do me no good, so whats the point.  I just want to hear her voice, hug her, smell her, tell her how beautiful she is.  I miss my days with her so much.  I miss our talks.  She was always so good at bringing me out of a funk.  There are friends and family relationships in my life that are turning and changing, and it breaks my heart a little.  I wish I had her comfort.  I have so much comfort around me, Im truly blessed with amazing people in my life... but there is no other feeling in this world than the one that comes from your mom.  At least for me, I know this is not the case for many people, but for me, it is.  I find myself searching through the files in my brain, trying to hold on to a snip of her telling me something just to hear her voice in my mind.  But the harder I try, the harder it is to hear.  I think Im just feeling really unbalanced lately.  Too much work and not enough soul play.  I know this.  It just seems sometimes like Im never caught up.  But, just as I was freaking out to James the other night about how its getting to the point I cant do it all myself, an old friend shows up on my doorstep the next day and offers to help out possibly once a week, and go to yoga with me.  I know this is where I need to be.  I need to take better care of my body, and I need to allow myself to have help.  I like to think I can take on so much, but then at times it becomes exhausting.  

wow.  I think I really just needed to look within a bit more.  My body is telling me to slow down.  And to also take stock of the people in my life who want to be there just for me.  People who truly love me for who I am as a person, not as an artist, or as an emotional shoulder to lean on.  I like knowing I am a trusted friend that someone can come to when they need someone, but Im tired of only being called upon during those times.  Its time I really start paying more attention to that, and allowing myself to step away when I need to.  This is not just for friends, but for all people in my life.  

My heart is uneasy today, and I just really want my mom.  (insert a big pouty face)

PEACE,
Laura

Happy Birthday Mom...

Today is the day, in 1955, my mother was brought into this earth.  Im pretty sure that is the day that many lives changed.  Or should I say, many lives were going to be changed over the next 50 something years because she was born.  Today I celebrated her birthday by launching my new line.  It was a wonderful way for me to spend my morning, with this photo sitting next me.  I feel truly blessed by all of the lovely response I got from my new work I have poured myself into.  It has been a little journey I am truly proud of.  And I know my mom would just be over joyed with it all.  Too bad she's not around to do a lookbook with me, now that would be one hilarious lookbook!  She probably would have flashed her boobs or mooned the camera, I just know it.  Anyone who knew my mom knows Im right!  I love this photo of her.  I remember being sad that day myself, although I dont remember why now.  She had just got her hair cut short b/c she knew she was going to lose it in chemo therapy.  I never wanted her to cut her hair b/c it was so long and pretty, and then once she did, I loved it!  I know she was feeling very inward and thoughtful that day.  Once it got dark and we built a fire by the riverside, she did some funny fire yoga stretching stuff.  She was always busting out silly stuff like that...  Today we took some new peacock feathers up to her grave.  It had been needing some for a while.  I want to go back up there when the sunlight is pretty and take some nice photos of her site.  My dad put so much love into and it is just beautiful.  I found a squished pine cone on the way back to the car and took back to put on her grave.  I think she would have liked it.


The only rotten thing that happened today was someone anonymously leaving me a mean comment on my lookbook.  I really wish people wouldnt be so hurtful on the internet.  If you dont like my work or blog, or how I do anything, please dont read my blog or follow my work.  There is no need at all to leave mean comments on mine, or anyone elses blog.  Ive seen it often and it is really just so sad.  Makes me feel sorry for them.  

My internet has been super shady all day, so as it allows me to, Ill be uploading the rest of the new work.  I only got about half way done.  Thank you so much for everyone's love and support.  It means so much to me, truly.  I will be happily shipping some of my babies off tomorrow to some lovely new homes!!!  

PEACE,
Laura