CHAMOMILE

springs yellow beauty
infuses my bathing waters
golden rays of calm
surround my breasts
as a playful muse
i dredge up her soaking skin
from the depths of the murky water
swollen with wetness
i squeeze her dry
thin, frail, lifeless
as she drops back to the waters edge
i see her swell with new life
the cracks in her skin
allow new light
to fill her well within
this dainty damsel in distress
needed a loving hand
to show her she was still
full of breath
and her life had not
come to an end
this strangers union
engulfed her soul
and began her journey anew
the frailty of life
was just passing through

buzzard

white tipped wings
swirling in unison
guiding each other
in the search
together they make
their great decent
following their senses
led by intuition
they spiral down
to the earth
to find their purpose
to cleanse
pick away the bones
protect us
heal the land
purify spirit
they have no shame
for being looked upon
with disgust
for they carry deep wisdom
within their presence

Oh Tortured Soul

oh tortured soul
you have ran around this house of bones
for far too long
let me see the wisdom
you have brought with your age
let me know there is a truth
underneath your dark and beaten face
show this skeleton how to grow wings
please let me know there is still
a heart that beats
underneath this rusty cage
unchoke your twisted fingers
from this throat of mine
promise me there is a gasp
left inside of me
with which to speak my sorrows
unravel this longing inside me
to know a peace so real
a contentment that was robbed
of me in the early days of you
cover these eyes of fear
enough for me to speak and feel
the warm compassion of the heart
i have found myself begging of you
to finally set me free

Burdens and Choices

sometimes i have weakness
sometimes i have doubt
there are days i feel so reclusive
and in turn feel so left out
i have been pushed aside by friends
or people i thought once cared
ive lost a bit of hope
from moments long lost shared
ive seen the depths of death
and watched her carry away my love
there are nights i cry so hard
while staring at the moon above
ive broken my own heart
by mistakes ive gone and made
old friends were mistaken for lovers
by tricks my mind has played
in losing a bit of innocence
ive lost a bit of soul
i carry with me burdens of the past
that i push down in a hole
it changes its colors as i breathe
some days i get so lost inside
and want to hide or leave
but each day as i awake
i have a choice of heart
to be doomed inside my own chambers
or from these chains i part
my heart then shows me patience
and that life is a learning art

When you look the other way

sometimes when i think about you
i get so frustrated
i remember when it was so nice
to walk into that bar
and see your eyes light up the moon
never hesitated to open
those arms of yours to embrace me
i felt like it was meant to be
you and me
now your cold and weary
your heart is dead and dreary
i cant even look you in the eye
you jumped off your landing
with both feet and both hands
to explore the emptiness of this town
did you find what you are looking for
or will the search go on forever
everyday i wish i didnt care
i wish i could just say **** it
i guess i will just tremble
everytime i am near you
because you cant take away the awkwardness
once you have shared someones soul

As Seasons Change

Seasons pull at my heartstrings
Memories change and fade
With the setting of every sun
Missing times in my life I once hated
Breezes in my hair while music soars
Walking knee deep in fields of another day
Ill turn my cheek to those thoughts of you
For they wont bring anything but rain
Hold onto your tounge before you speak
Those daydreams were just fleeting
Glimpses of false could bes
There is just something about this time of year
Waves of yearning wash over me
It probably has nothing to do with anyone
Just the way the universe
Wraps you in her comforting confusion
And makes you look deeper
Into your own skin

Patchwork

you mend frays and flaws of old worn and weathered jeans
you piece yourself together to create a blanket of warmth
i cover myself with on lonely nights
your spirit protects me
the history you hold, ties together years of lost embraces
your miss matched beauty is so unique
each little bit of remnants left behind, too small to use
become a coat of many colors
an inspiration of so many mothers
you create significance and beauty out of the seemingly useless
you have stolen my heart
and burrowed a nest in my soul

Friends

something about the times we spend
makes us forget about our demands
so laid back, windows rolled down
singing along to songs we love
talk about whatever, the moon and stars
or long lost hearts, blowing in the wind
feels like home, so effortless and free
the way i think friends are suppose to be

Change

do you ever just wake up, wake up one day and realize...
i am a different person today, right here, right now...
the feeling in the pit of your stomach tells you,
something has changed.
and you cant quite put your finger one what it truly is.
its just something that radiates about you, something that encompasses your blood and veins running through the length of your bones.
maybe this is growing up.
maybe this is giving up... just a bit on people. broken lies, careless caresses, all taped up in a box and thrown under the bed.
that is how we deal with things, that is how the world deals with things.
lets just shove it under the rug, and it will all blow away with the winds of change.
and really...it does just that.
but then every so often, you look up to the sky,
your mind starts to wonder, dancing amongst the back of a bird...
then slips away into a free falling spiral down into the pit of what remains.
and you remember, how you lost faith in something.
bike rides, free spirits, feeling naked and unashamed,
these things no longer cross my path.
all i want is to open up, dive in, be free...
feel my feet on the ground, touch the soul of the moon when i look upon it.
be the true beauty that i know i was created to be.
so then why do we get all wrapped up in our bellies, us girls. why do we feel we have to be a bit of her, and a bit of that, in order to be what so and so really wants, when deep down inside, we all know, that we should be exactly what we are.
that is what i strive for. i no longer care to look at others to feel whole. i am creating my own wholeness.
and just as i say this, just like this poem itself, is an oximoron, i know that i am not whole. there is a piece of me missing. i have forgotten how to be completely comfortable in my skin.
maybe its really all just because i spent so much of my life, looking up to one person, who is no longer here.

Peace

this moment
this is what peace feels like
just rocking in this chair
with crickets
stars
guitars
and hula hoops
melodies harmonize
or try to
fail
laugh
this is it
feeling life again
with connections to good friends
and it all began with a broken heart

An open book

my heart has chosen the path of sharing
my soul is on my sleeve
as i am artist
i am also the painting
you may see it as beautiful
or you may see it as trash
every work of art has its critics
i can only hope that one day
my soul work will be seen as a keepsake
not something to throw in your attic
or a garage sale
one that is passed on for generations

like my mothers

Sorrow

longings creep up upon my heart
a yearning
although unrecognizable
a pinhole that bursts open
asking to be filled up
with wonders
a lost feeling
or maybe not so lost
transformed
distances
forgotten memories
collide with broken hearts
spilling onto my canvas of life
floods my veins until i cant escape
amazing how your soul will find sorrow
when there is none
just as joy is always reached for
sorrow has its place in your heart

Rainy Day

This rain, is filling up my soul at the moment
it drowns out the never ending detail that makes up my existence
it soothes my nerves and sets me to rest
i begin to feel connected again
as if my mother is here
makes me feel peace
the thunder clammers on
each droplet molds together
forming a puddle
softens what once was hard
fills in the cracks

Drowning memories

When tangled in thought
and desire to write
my mind relentlessly pushes
me back to past times
ones id rather forget
i thought id drowned those already
but the dead always keeps living
in some fashion or form
which is a blessing and a curse
and so i am torn

do i write at all?

Stars

sometimes, when you look up to the moon
you can feel your entire soul
enveloping
embracing
existing
a warm hug
and a quiet whisper
from each star
as if they were little glimpses of things to come
or of lives lived
shining down upon us
with immense wisdom
catching a sparkling glimpse in our eyes
with hopes of spreading their secrets
maybe if we look long enough
it will come to us in our dreams

This boy

Love, you constantly amaze, impress me
your mind holds so many details
you remember a smell
a moment
a time of year
a time in our lives
one that will always make us smile
long drives
soft touch
goosebumps
breathe deeply
close your eyes
is this real?
yes
it was
and here we are today
still in love
can you believe it
silly boy you are
im glad you are mine

The dreaming

sometimes i wake from these dreams
of past moments, friends or foes.
gives such an endless feeling
of interconnectedness
no matter where you are
or who you become
memories will stay
dwell
burrow
nest
change
morph
and daydream
and then i wonder, if i really was just crazy
things unsaid and said that can never be taken away from the past
its done
forever.

Is this real

feeling so much heart
feeling the aches and pains of reality
or is it reality, after all
most of our realities are creations of our own minds
the limits of our surroundings
and the willingness
or stubborness
of our own creative thinking