I have been sharing my 'Pieces of Home' features for quite some time... but these images are not always taken at home, although they usually are... I feel like they needed a new caption though... So now these simple 10 photo posts will be called 'A few of my favorite captures'... b/c essentially that is all they are. I snap photos all day long everyday. It's just part of what I do.
Cheers to my first solo outfit post since Ava was born! I honestly wasn't sure if I was going to keep doing these or not... Having a baby has completely changed my priorities. But I have missed it some, so if I have the time and inspiration to do one, then I will. If I don't, then I won't! This is kind of how I feel about everything right now. If it feels good, then yes, if it feels draining, then no.
I will say this is a way for me to exercise my self confidence, which I admittedly talked about on an instagram post the other day after cutting my hair. You can feel so silly and guilty even worrying about your postpartum self when you have this beautiful little baby in your life! But at the same time, I think it should be talked about for that very reason, b/c all of our feelings are valid. When there is shame and guilt around something, it should be looked at and examined. It has been trying learning to love my postpartum body and all it's millions of changes. I'm pretty positive if you are human and you have had a baby, you probably have felt some of the same things. It's a whole new world post baby... the extra pounds, the hair loss, the skin changes, the way you function below the waist, joint issues, perpetually less sleep... just to name a few. It all adds up and can be easy to feel self defeating.
So, I'm working on it. That's all I can say. I'm learning to cut myself some slack, to focus on more important things, and remind myself it's a transition. That's why they call it the 4th trimester after all. It's a very real thing.
Speaking of change... I am doing a MAJOR closet purge. If you follow me on instagram than you already know. I'm selling half of my closet over on @laurashomeandcloset and still have more to list! Since becoming a mama I feel so much changing, including my style and my need for ease. I feel like I have been decluttering for a year now and could do so for another year. I've been going through my closet over and over again, pulling out things I haven't worn in a very long time, some I've only worn once. I hold on to these things b/c they are beautiful, or because a friend made it... but if it's not getting the proper love it should in my possession, I feel it should move onto another who will show it more love. So even though I am letting go of some very special things, I feel good about it. Knowing they will live a new life!
I'm also saving up for my dream couch and this closet sale is helping me. In the movement of decluttering I am also rethinking some of the pieces in my home. Our couch is a great couch, we got it passed down to us from our friends and we have loved it alot! But it's a sectional and I really just want a regular couch to create more space in the center of our home. Bella was the only one that used the part that sticks out, and now that she is gone, I feel like I can let go of this couch. Plus, my brother needs one, so it's already getting a good new home! The three couches I have owned in my life have all been passed down from family or friends. I'm really excited to pick out and buy my own couch for the first time!
Btw, that beautiful mala... it's a natural teething necklace for Ava! Check out Little Biting Tree!
Even though so many pieces in my closet have been transitory over the years as my style changes, some pieces never leave. I have some things in my closet that I have owned since I was about 15! This kimono I found at f21 years ago, and it is still one of my favorite things to wear. Same goes with all of my Blowfish shoes! They are the most comfortable shoes with the yummiest earth tones. They are all keepers. I'm so in love with these sand colored booties. And this hat I found at World Market quickly became my favorite. I wear it ALOT! My rings from Bella & Chloe are also some of my go to's. I wear alot less jewelry most days now b/c of Ava. Maybe a cuff or ring or two, maybe a necklace, sometimes none... and that's it. I'm sure that will change as she gets older, but for now, I'm loving the simplicity.
I'm pretty obsessed with this color pallette right now too. If you check out my pinterest, you can clearly see what my eyes have been drawn to lately. Earthy pastels... mauve, peach, tan, cream, sage green, dusty blue, burnt umber & sienna, grey. Really since I got pregnant these colors have stuck out to me.
Apparently it feels good to blog again! I had alot to say! Hopefully I'll be back soon. Peace.
Well I have definitely not updated here like I had planned. My little Ava Pearl is already 15 weeks old tomorrow. I am just so in love with this little ray of sunshine. She brings the biggest joy I have ever experienced into my life. She is on her 4th mental leap right now and is learning so much. She is still completely enthralled with discovering her hands. She almost giggles and we just can't wait until we hear her first real belly laugh. She smiles with her whole face, especially with her eyes. She can pucker her bottom lip when she is not happy like nobodies business. She is completely a mama's girl. She's long and lean with a big ol' noggin. She has a better wardrobe than me. She falls asleep on her own most naps. But at night still has to nurse for an hour or two before falling asleep. She likes having my hair swept across her face. She constantly curls her toes like a monkey. Her voice has the loveliest baby tones. She can't roll over yet, but she is a fierce leg kicker. She loves to 'stand up' using her leg muscles. She loves bath time most of the time, and every time she is in the tub on her back staring up at me, I see myself as a baby in her, it's like I'm looking into my own reflection. I see my mother in her eyes. She can be very independent and happy as can be all by herself, and also at times want nothing more than to be held by her mama. She loves her naps. Like, really loves her naps. She only likes car rides half the time, either she is asleep or crying and screaming in the car. She only likes to be 'worn' if I am constantly walking and bouncing. She can hold onto her rattle for a very long time. She loves being talked to and loves story time. She likes her Baby Animals golden book the best. Her favorite toy is a bee teether our friend Melissa sent us. She loves chillin' on the porch. She has the sweetest round moon face I have ever seen and a smile that could light up the world. I am so freaking blessed that she chose me to be her mother.
Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally. I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in. I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out. In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness. Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon. I hold these moments deep in my heart.
This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over. Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own. When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster. The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable. Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse. I let fear consume me.
On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart. Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child. But in general. I was allowing fear to take over me. I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body. I spent the entire day in my stick tipi. Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how. Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.
I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening. It was the most amazing experience. It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt). There were messages all around me during those weeks.
By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby. I told that moon that I was ready. To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow. TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant. I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC. I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed. And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is. My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years. She is an angel and a healer. To her mama at least. She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon. And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE. She is our moon baby, our little moon.
I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse. Full circle. Circle of Life.