Well I have definitely not updated here like I had planned. My little Ava Pearl is already 15 weeks old tomorrow. I am just so in love with this little ray of sunshine. She brings the biggest joy I have ever experienced into my life. She is on her 4th mental leap right now and is learning so much. She is still completely enthralled with discovering her hands. She almost giggles and we just can't wait until we hear her first real belly laugh. She smiles with her whole face, especially with her eyes. She can pucker her bottom lip when she is not happy like nobodies business. She is completely a mama's girl. She's long and lean with a big ol' noggin. She has a better wardrobe than me. She falls asleep on her own most naps. But at night still has to nurse for an hour or two before falling asleep. She likes having my hair swept across her face. She constantly curls her toes like a monkey. Her voice has the loveliest baby tones. She can't roll over yet, but she is a fierce leg kicker. She loves to 'stand up' using her leg muscles. She loves bath time most of the time, and every time she is in the tub on her back staring up at me, I see myself as a baby in her, it's like I'm looking into my own reflection. I see my mother in her eyes. She can be very independent and happy as can be all by herself, and also at times want nothing more than to be held by her mama. She loves her naps. Like, really loves her naps. She only likes car rides half the time, either she is asleep or crying and screaming in the car. She only likes to be 'worn' if I am constantly walking and bouncing. She can hold onto her rattle for a very long time. She loves being talked to and loves story time. She likes her Baby Animals golden book the best. Her favorite toy is a bee teether our friend Melissa sent us. She loves chillin' on the porch. She has the sweetest round moon face I have ever seen and a smile that could light up the world. I am so freaking blessed that she chose me to be her mother.
Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally. I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in. I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out. In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness. Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon. I hold these moments deep in my heart.
This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over. Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own. When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster. The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable. Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse. I let fear consume me.
On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart. Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child. But in general. I was allowing fear to take over me. I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body. I spent the entire day in my stick tipi. Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how. Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.
I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening. It was the most amazing experience. It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt). There were messages all around me during those weeks.
By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby. I told that moon that I was ready. To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow. TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant. I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC. I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed. And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is. My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years. She is an angel and a healer. To her mama at least. She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon. And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE. She is our moon baby, our little moon.
I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse. Full circle. Circle of Life.
"I'm excited to start adding the @pranamat into my yoga routine for extra relaxation and muscle relief. All of my muscles are adjusting to the new life of having a baby, so I'm up for any way of bringing relief. Not only are these mats beautiful with their lotus designs, they are eco-friendly + FDA certified as a medical device! Now that I am at the 6 week postpartum mark, I'm ready to start focusing on my self care alot more. Thank you @pranamat for giving me one more option in my #selfcare routine."
My excerpt from an instagram post a few weeks ago. It summed it up pretty well, so I just copied it here instead of retyping it. I will admit my self care routine postpartum has been pretty hit & miss. One day I'm doing yoga, drinking tons of water, eating healthy, going for walks, then the next day... or week, I'm hardly doing any of these things. Life with a baby has definitely allowed me space to go with the flow of life, and if something doesn't get done that I had wished, then so be it. It just is what it is for right now. But that being said, I really do want to make my self care routine more of a priority right now. It's been almost 10 weeks since Ive had Ava and I'm ready to start feeling more like myself again.
Most days look like this below... Not finding the time to do a whole yoga routine, so I plop on the floor where Ava is and stretch for even 5 minutes, or lay on the Pranamat for 5 minutes. I figure anything is better than nothing.
What are some of your favorite tools for self care, working out, or relaxation? I'd love to hear!