BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT

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The beautiful things hanging in my bathroom window: left dreamcatcher - pineal vision // leather macrame hanger - sun & glory // agate windchime - soulmakes


I have been home for a week already from my vacation with my family, but it only feels like Ive been home for about two days.  It's strange how the days have run together lately.  As soon as I got home we had just under two days left to get every last thing we wanted from my parents house before handing it over to the new owners.  There really wasn't much left at that point besides a few old boards, some rocks and a chair.  I think it felt way more overwhelming than it was b/c I knew I was saying my final goodbye.  I feel like Ive been saying goodbye for 4 years now.  Really, more like 7 1/2 years, since my mom has been gone.  Its been a slow, painful journey of letting go.  So many choices along the way that define my future.  All having to be made without my parents here helping me along.  I still hope I made the right choice.  I feel a huge weight off my shoulders since it sold on my birthday 5 days ago.  And at the same time, an inevitable emptiness. 

Ive immersed myself in a huge studio renovation.  Which may really be me running away.  I'm still not sure.  But it's giving me something to focus on and the gift of excitement, of a new start and a fresh face to my sacred space of creation, which has not felt all that sacred for a long time from its over cluttered pile of messes. Selling this house on my birthday, felt like a birthday gift from my parents, so I'm looking at it as a big gift from them to be able to do this.  It's strange, b/c I keep having feelings of guilt along with this renovation.  I have always just used what I have, or have been handed down.  There is not much in my entire house that is not used, thrifted, given or what not.  Only a few pieces of furniture have we bought new.  Which I truly love.  And now that I have the opportunity to create a new space from the ground up, I'm learning about my relationship to money and guilt.  I am really looking forward to this new space though.  Right now my studio is over run with beads and trinkets for my jewelry making.  I have figured out a new layout to be able to store them all away and still have them easily accessible, so now I can split my studio between jewelry design and magazine design.  Before my studio was the LAST place I would go to work on my magazine b/c it was so cluttered I couldn't think straight.  I'm truly excited to have a space I can go to that will feel inspiring for this work that I'm doing.  

With everything that was going on this week, and saying goodbye to my parents house on my birthday, my plans for getting together with friends did not happen.  Even though it may be a few weeks down the road, I'm still going to plan a get together.  Right now I feel drained and a bit overwhelmed.  My studio is currently a wreck from going through everything in there, my house needs cleaned, I have not been taking care of myself or eating properly and I'm really starting to feel it, it's my moontime, and I have a million commitments that I feel I'm failing on right now, and I haven't even brushed my teeth for the past two days (how's that for honesty?) The month of June seems like it just flew by and I have no clue where it went!!! 

*BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT*

Just typing this makes me realize that I need to do some deep breathing, some stretching and probably some dancing.  I need to shake it out!  Life is funny sometimes, how you can feel so many feelings all at once.  Sadness.  Excitement.  Empty.  Relieved.  Guilt.  Grateful.  Etc. It's all part of letting go.

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THREADS // PURPLE HAZE

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OUTFIT DETAILS: jumper - oasap // hat - whisler civilian // boots - gifted // necklace - love + leather // ring - sacred geometry silver


First of all, it feels good to be home!  I just came home from a little weekend vacation up in Ohio/ West Virginia area to visit my grandfathers family.  He has been gone since I was 15, but he was a sibling of 10 and the family has multiplied by the 100's over the years.  I got to meet so many relatives I had no idea about this weekend.  It was very cool.  I will do a post on it soon and go into more detail.

Coming home has been a bit of a whirlwind.  Tomorrow is my birthday and also happens to be the day I will officially be saying goodbye to my parents home.  Big stuff.  It will definitely be a brand new chapter in my life.  It feels like I'm about to walk through a portal. 

This little purple number was from last week.  I'm sad to report it looks this romper is already sold out.  I was a little afraid of it to be honest b/c its alot brighter than what I normally wear... But I actually LOVE it on.  And I think it looks so cute with the vintage belt & boots.

I'm head over heels in love with the ring I had made from Sacred Geometry Silver.  I sent her the palm stone and she paired it with the beautiful turquoise stone so perfectly, and topped it off with two little moons.  It's just stunning.  I'm so in love with handcrafted jewelry. 

My brain feels a little full with my to-do list now that I am home.  But I am trying to just do what I can and forget the rest until we get past this huge transition.  This has been years coming, and it's crazy that the time is finally here.  I can hardly decide how I'm even feeling, but I am focusing on the positives that this will bring into our lives.  The blessing this will be...

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PIECES OF HOME

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1. A butterfly I found during its transition from life to death.  2. Banjo Juniper about two weeks ago being as cute as can be.  3. My bag from Gypsy Soul Collective for my travels.  4. Bella lounging on the porch.  5. James and Violet by our river after the flood.  6. Morning light in my window.  7. My beautiful painted owl rock by Paint Myself Pretty.  8. Bella helping me pull weeds in the backyard one morning.  9. Banjo being naughty in my palm.  10. Lavender from the garden.  Beautiful amethyst from Moorea Seal's shop.

I'm off for a weekend family adventure.  I'll be back to the blog in a few days... xoxo

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HONORING, REMEMBERING, LEAVING & LOVING

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Yesterday was my mama's birthday.  It would of been her big 60th.  Kind of weird to think about it.  I would have loved to see her grow into a wise old woman.  I can only imagine how her spirit would of grown through the years. 

I started the day with some time spent in my tee pee in the beautiful morning light while the grass was still dewy.  I made a little alter with her photo, snipped some lavender for her, and placed my teepee crystals around it.  As I was having a conversation with her I look down and a few inches in front of the altar I found this little silver feather charm.  I have no clue where it came from b/c its not one of the styles I ever bought for my jewelry line.  And I don't remember ever having a piece of jewelry with it on it.  But now I will!  I'm going to make myself a little something special with it to remember this day.

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Saturday we had plans to go out to my parents house to spend some time there and start saying our goodbyes since it might sell soon.  We originally tried to get friends and family out there to have a goodbye party, but it just did not work out with anyone, so we cancelled.  By the time saturday rolled around I was just having a really hard day and did not feel like being around anyone.  So instead, my brother and I decided to go out there on sunday, just us, his son, and James.  I'm so glad it turned out the way it did.  It was a really nice day, and it was my Mama's birthday, so it was extra special.  We took a long walk through the woods together, we spread my dad's ashes, and I took it all in...

Since we recently had a flood, the pond that has been dry for ages out there is now completely full and so beautiful.  We walked down by it to spread some of my dad's ashes to find that one of the swan's had returned.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I just know it was a sign from my mom.  She loved those swans so much and its been so many years since they have been out there due to the drought.  It was an amazing and touching thing to witness on this day.  I didn't have my real camera with me, so the photo above was the best shot I could get.  I'm going to try to get out there and take more soon. 

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Aiden was so sweet helping us spread my dad's ashes.  We put some in the garden, in the fire pit, and in the pond.  I was so glad he was there with us to be a part of it.  Even though he doesn't remember his grandparents, he knows of them, and will always have our stories.

Our friend gave us some flowers to take out there with us, which was such a sweet gesture.  We left some of them on top of dad's ashes in the fire pit.  The rest I took home and made a garland for my window to keep.

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During our time out there I had many little encounters with beautiful animal medicine that was very fitting... The swan for one.  Butterflies + Dragonflies. And I found a snake skeleton.  I have never seen one before, and it was such a cool find. 

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The part of the day had to be when my brother and Aiden came to our house and Aiden got to meet Banjo.  He fell in love with him so hard.  He completely wore my cat out!  Ha ha.  He had so much fun with him and he just kept saying over and over how much he loved Banjo.  Although he asked if he could name him Tickles, ha ha.

I can't think of anything my mother would of wanted more for her birthday then to see her kids hanging out together and enjoying each other.  xo

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