Change

do you ever just wake up, wake up one day and realize...

i am a different person today, right here, right now...

the feeling in the pit of your stomach tells you,

something has changed.

and you cant quite put your finger one what it truly is.

its just something that radiates about you, something that encompasses your blood and veins running through the length of your bones.

maybe this is growing up.

maybe this is giving up... just a bit on people. broken lies, careless caresses, all taped up in a box and thrown under the bed.

that is how we deal with things, that is how the world deals with things.

lets just shove it under the rug, and it will all blow away with the winds of change.

and really...it does just that.

but then every so often, you look up to the sky,

your mind starts to wonder, dancing amongst the back of a bird...

then slips away into a free falling spiral down into the pit of what remains.

and you remember, how you lost faith in something.

bike rides, free spirits, feeling naked and unashamed,

these things no longer cross my path.

all i want is to open up, dive in, be free...

feel my feet on the ground, touch the soul of the moon when i look upon it.

be the true beauty that i know i was created to be.

so then why do we get all wrapped up in our bellies, us girls. why do we feel we have to be a bit of her, and a bit of that, in order to be what so and so really wants, when deep down inside, we all know, that we should be exactly what we are.

that is what i strive for. i no longer care to look at others to feel whole. i am creating my own wholeness.

and just as i say this, just like this poem itself, is an oximoron, i know that i am not whole. there is a piece of me missing. i have forgotten how to be completely comfortable in my skin.

maybe its really all just because i spent so much of my life, looking up to one person, who is no longer here.