42

Today is James’s 42nd birthday. We went to our local coffee shop + got him french toast for lunch + then took a walk by the river. We attempted to take some family pics b/c we never ever do + managed to get a few as Ava did NOT want her photo taken, ha ha. By the time we were half way down the trail she also decided she was done walking, and by the time we got back to the car we were all sneezing + now I’m well on my way to an allergy overload. So, there’s that. But it was still a beautiful day, and I always love a chance to hear the river water flowing. There were tons of cardinals fluttering around the barren trees + I found lots of sticks for some creative projects. It’s truly one of the most peaceful spots in our little town when it’s not crowded in the summertime.

I took a photo of Ava in between these two trees the last time we were down here. I think I even have it in a blog post here somewhere. They are massive + bring such feelings of stability, tranquility + resilience.

For the last few years I always get James a tshirt from our friend’s shop Axis Moon, and this is definitely one of my favorites. Her work is so beautiful + James wears almost nothing but her shirts!

NANNA

Yesterday we celebrated my Nanna’s 87th birthday. I always forget to take photos of us, and even though neither of us were having our best hair day, I had James snap a few of us before we left. My Nanna has always been one of my favorite humans on this earth, since I was a little girl. We just have a certain bond that you don’t have with many. I can tell her anything and know that she has my back. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders + supporters. She has filled the shoes of my mom in so many ways. And oh my goodness the way she loves Ava. She just adores her the way any grandmother (or great) should. It’s the most precious thing in the world to watch them interact. Ava loves her just as much.

My Nanna is always remarking on my kimonos when I wear them, so I got her one for herself for her birthday. She loved it, and she looks so beautiful in it. I love that her little pup Amber happened to be in these pics too! She is the sweetest pup you will ever meet, especially for a chihuahua!

I just wanted to share these photos here so they would have a permanent spot to live. 2020 brought us closer than ever, and even though it was a rough road for my Nanna after breaking her hip, there were alot of silver linings.

HONORING, REMEMBERING, LEAVING & LOVING

Yesterday was my mama's birthday.  It would of been her big 60th.  Kind of weird to think about it.  I would have loved to see her grow into a wise old woman.  I can only imagine how her spirit would of grown through the years. 

I started the day with some time spent in my tee pee in the beautiful morning light while the grass was still dewy.  I made a little alter with her photo, snipped some lavender for her, and placed my teepee crystals around it.  As I was having a conversation with her I look down and a few inches in front of the altar I found this little silver feather charm.  I have no clue where it came from b/c its not one of the styles I ever bought for my jewelry line.  And I don't remember ever having a piece of jewelry with it on it.  But now I will!  I'm going to make myself a little something special with it to remember this day.

Saturday we had plans to go out to my parents house to spend some time there and start saying our goodbyes since it might sell soon.  We originally tried to get friends and family out there to have a goodbye party, but it just did not work out with anyone, so we cancelled.  By the time saturday rolled around I was just having a really hard day and did not feel like being around anyone.  So instead, my brother and I decided to go out there on sunday, just us, his son, and James.  I'm so glad it turned out the way it did.  It was a really nice day, and it was my Mama's birthday, so it was extra special.  We took a long walk through the woods together, we spread my dad's ashes, and I took it all in...

Since we recently had a flood, the pond that has been dry for ages out there is now completely full and so beautiful.  We walked down by it to spread some of my dad's ashes to find that one of the swan's had returned.  I couldn't believe my eyes.  I just know it was a sign from my mom.  She loved those swans so much and its been so many years since they have been out there due to the drought.  It was an amazing and touching thing to witness on this day.  I didn't have my real camera with me, so the photo above was the best shot I could get.  I'm going to try to get out there and take more soon. 

Aiden was so sweet helping us spread my dad's ashes.  We put some in the garden, in the fire pit, and in the pond.  I was so glad he was there with us to be a part of it.  Even though he doesn't remember his grandparents, he knows of them, and will always have our stories.

Our friend gave us some flowers to take out there with us, which was such a sweet gesture.  We left some of them on top of dad's ashes in the fire pit.  The rest I took home and made a garland for my window to keep.

During our time out there I had many little encounters with beautiful animal medicine that was very fitting... The swan for one.  Butterflies + Dragonflies. And I found a snake skeleton.  I have never seen one before, and it was such a cool find. 

The part of the day had to be when my brother and Aiden came to our house and Aiden got to meet Banjo.  He fell in love with him so hard.  He completely wore my cat out!  Ha ha.  He had so much fun with him and he just kept saying over and over how much he loved Banjo.  Although he asked if he could name him Tickles, ha ha.

I can't think of anything my mother would of wanted more for her birthday then to see her kids hanging out together and enjoying each other.  xo

AT MY NANNA'S FOR MOTHERS DAY

For Mother's Day we went to visit my Nanna.  I'm so glad I got to see her backyard after all this beautiful rain weve had lately.  Everything is in bloom and looks so amazing.  She has such a way with plants, and the way she creates little vingettes reminds me of myself.  My Nanna is one of my best friends.  The conversations we have on the phone are unparallel to anyone.  We have a very special bond.

I love getting visit with my family, and I especially love it when I get to spend time with my nephew Aiden.  Since he was a wee tot, everytime we get together we take silly selfies.  He thinks its so funny and I just adore it.  One day he won't want to anymore, so I soak it up as much as I can when I see him.  He is such a silly, smart little trickster of a kid.  The personality on this one is wild and he has a heart of gold.  It was so cute watching him give his Nanna her Mother's Day card he made at school.  He was so pleased with himself! 

The cactus pictured above is his cactus, and he filled the pot with 'Grammy beans' (mountain laurel seeds).  He has another pot where he is growing a mountain laurel tree in and he surrounded it with seeds to.  He told me, "These are Grammy Beans.  She is dead, but she watches over me everyday".  It was the sweetest thing!  He doesn't quite understand that she is my mom, as well as my brothers.  He was a bit confused when I was explaining it to him.  But at least he totally understands her spirit and knows she is with him always.  He was only 2 months old when she died.  I love that he carries her with him still.