40 WEEK PORTRAIT

Even though it's been 3 weeks already since I had my little babe, I didn't want to forget documenting my last maternity portraits here.  This was one day after I hit 40 weeks, just 3 days before her arrival.  This evening was when my labor started with contractions all night throughout my sleep.  At this point, my brother was genuinely concerned about me getting any bigger, ha ha!  It's kind of sweet knowing how worried he was about me.  Being only 5' 2" tall, I was all belly, but I was measuring right on the mark along with my weeks.  In the end I gained about 45 pounds, and still have about 25 pounds to shed before I'm back to my normal.  It's definitely odd being so in between.  Most of my clothes still don't fit me, and dressing for breastfeeding is even harder than dressing a 40 week bump.  But I know it's just all part of the process, and my sweet little Ava Pearl is so worth it all. 

I have yet to find the time to sit down and write out my birth story, but I know it will happen as it should.  My time is definitely very limited now, as anyone who is a new mother knows.  I have so many things I want to share, but will just have to be patient with the process and let each day unfold as it will.  So until next time, xo...

30 WEEK PORTRAIT

I'm still metaphorically crying that I didn't start these weekly portraits from the beginning... but last week I started documenting a weekly belly portrait.  This is my 30 weeks preggo belly!  I love my linea nigra... at this point I love everything about a pregnant belly.  Well see if I still feel that way in a month!  But up to this point, I LOVE my belly.  I'm going to miss it so much when it's gone.  The only part I don't love is the weight of it at night.  Sleeping in all positions is becoming a bit uncomfortable, even with a body pillow.  But it's not terrible yet, just uncomfortable.

Her movement is becoming increasingly strong with each day.  A few days ago I got to see her foot stretch across my belly for the first time.  It was so fascinating.  I wish James had seen it too.  I can feel her all the way from my ribs to my pelvis area, and she tends to hang out on the right side of my belly.  I rarely feel the movement over on the left side. 

These little mini roses are my favorite, and the peachy orange color are my absolute favorite.  I'm hoping they will have them available for my baby shower.  Something about just having a little vase of fresh flowers in my home makes my heart so happy.  I don't get them all that often, but when I do I just delight in them everyday.  And then I always dry them and keep them afterwards to continue loving them. I think I might treat myself to them a bit more often...

SAYING HELLO TO THE THIRD TRIMESTER

It's hard to believe I'm already a couple of weeks into my 3rd trimester.  Time is going by so quickly.  I'm realizing just how soon my little babe will be here in the world with us, and I already want to put the breaks on just a bit.  I have enjoyed being pregnant so so much, with the exception of the irritations that have come along with it, like sciatica, de quervains tendinosis, raw tongue, migraines (although I've almost cured those), and a few (hundred) extra grey hairs.  My body decided to get all the weird ones... Now I'm starting to feel the fatigue (but were also in a retrograde phase that just started), and restless sleep.  But even with all of these things going on, I'm loving the process of pregnancy.  It's been such a surreal, magical experience for me.  After fearing it for years and years it's been such a wonderful thing to feel this way through it.  I think my body must of just known I was finally ready for this.  I hope I will be able to say the same thing about labor...

I have not taken portraits of myself throughout my pregnancy like I would have liked.  But now that I'm realizing how close the end is and that this part will be all over with soon, I really want to try to capture at least one a week.  I think Ava will look back fondly at these.  I think I need to make a physical scrapbook for her of this incubation period.  This was from last week, my 29th week. (I'm 30 weeks today). 

Beautiful handsewn top is from Run With The Tribe, kimono is from F21.

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE BUMP

Ive been meaning to take some real maternity photos of myself throughout my pregnancy, and haven't felt up to it until this week.  James keeps trying to remind me to do so, and I'm so glad I finally did.  I don't want this special time to fly by without visually recording it.  I love seeing images of my mom when she was pregnant, and sadly there are very few of them around. 

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and feeling really great for the most part.  I think Ive had a bit of depression, or just several emotions around my life and the way it will be evolving and feeling a little (okay, a lot) lost.  I'm sure its just the huge transition of going from a woman to a mother.  Wondering what will fall away in my life for a while, or for a lifetime, and nervous and excited about what will come into my life, forever.  There is a whole lot of unknown to this huge life change. 

Ive also allowed the state of my house really get to me.  I completely let it go while I wasn't feeling good during the first trimester, and now I'm finding it hard to get back into my groove of cleaning and nesting.  Everything feels overwhelming.  The de-cluttering, the things I want to move around, my sentimental heart, all of it.  I know it will all get done in due time and I'm trying to continually remind myself not to stress about it. 

My kitty Bella is also not doing well and it's breaking my heart.  Ive had her for 16+ years, since I still lived at home, and she has been with me through every life event, always a mama's girl.  Her thyroid issues have worsened and now her kidneys and liver are going downhill.  She is light as a feather, which is so hard to see.  I know it's all part of it, the process of life and death.  I watched my mother go from a vibrant human being to a state of such fragility through her cancer.  It's never easy to visually see these changes in the people or animals that we love.  So, right now my heart is in just keeping Bella as happy as can be for the rest of her time with us. 

This is life.  All at the same time it's beautiful, life changing, sad, exciting, lonely and full.  A beautiful mess of all kinds of emotions and daily life happenings...

Right now I feel very blessed to be having a good pregnancy, to be with someone who is so excited about the little baby in my belly, to have a wonderful family and groups of friends who are equally excited about our little baby, to not have to stress about work too much while I'm pregnant, to have animals in my life who fill me up with so many smiles, to have a place I call home, to have wonderful neighbors who invite us over for christmas eve dinner, and so many other things.  These are the things I will try to focus on through the holidays.  It can be difficult this time of year, when you have people you have lost and wish so badly they could be here, but they can't.  It's always a good reminder for me to see what is still in front of me that can be cherished, nourished and loved.

(I'll be sharing a ton more photos over on the Bohemian Collective blog, and will provide artist links over there when I do)...