RAVEN MESSENGER

Last night before bed I took a bath + pulled my cards for the new moon. Something I do every new and full moon. I pulled a few of the same cards I always pull, and this time I pulled the Totem of Pipes - The Flyers (traditionally the Knight, but I use the Medicine Woman Tarot). This is the same card I pulled the same day Ava and I found that sweet birdy who had died in our backyard. After the cards message it says that I will encounter a flying one + to listen to it’s message. The last time I pulled it it was pretty obvious that the flying one calling my name was the Mockingbird, but when I pulled it last night I was curious what was going to come up this time.

Then this morning I awoke from the most magical dream about a Raven! I dreamt I was in my backyard and this Raven flew into my yard. Kinda cool b/c I have been seeing Crows flying over my yard for weeks now, so the message was already starting to come in for me. This bird was huge and magestic. It instantly came up to me and the next thing I knew we were cuddling + kissing + of course I was even taking selfies + videos with it, ha ha. Then I brought it inside with me and we cuddled and kissed some more all snuggled up on a little couch by my window. It kept rubbing it’s huge beak across my cheek + I just remember it being the most magical experience. We both felt so safe with each other. Then the next thing I know it turned into a dog that looked + acted just like my old dog Violet. I knew it wasn’t her, but was a lost dog in the neighborhood that was just like her who was looking for a home. I saw her smoosh her face under the pillows and lay on her back with all four paws in the air the way Violet used to do. I was so overjoyed, and then I woke up.

So, my flying one came through to me almost instantly. Raven is considered one of the most mystical creatures. Often being associated with total transformation + uncovering what is in the dark and bringing it to healthy light. This is one I’m going to sit with for a bit. I feel like these messages having been coming in pretty strong lately, which means it’s time to pay attention. I definitely feel like I am on the threshold of another transformation. And I will also be on the lookout for the possibility of a sweet new pup like Violet to enter our lives.

REFLECTION

A gentle return. Easing my way back into this space, once again. This seems to be a seasonal thing for me… the old feeling of missing the good ol’ days of blogging creep back in when I’ve had enough of social media. When I want to express more than just a few blurbs that quickly get scrolled past. It was around February of this year that I came back to this space originally, and then HELLO 2020. The shit show began. Although that definitely just feels like an excuse now, everything definitely turned upside in so many ways this year, for everyone. What a wild rollercoaster we have all been forced onto, and led down.

James quit his job of 17+ years within the first few weeks of the pandemic. I think that has been our biggest personal silver lining in all of it. It hasn’t necessarily made our lives easier, but in many ways it has. While we have to be way more intentional in our work from home, we have more time now that he is not at his day job to be able to focus on our work at home. We can divide our time with Ava more so I can get more work done when I need to. We have more free time to do the things we want, like go have lunch at the coffee shop if we want. That has truly been our biggest luxury, being home at the same time and being able to go do something together if we want. It’s the best decision we made this whole year. We definitely have our ‘oh shit’ moments of being able to live solely through our own means, but somehow we find a way through it as we put one foot in front of the other.

This year also brought some unexpected events when my Nanna broke her hip and found herself in the hospital at the beginning of the pandemic. That was hard b/c I wasn’t able to even to go the hospital to see her. But she made it through like a champ and as soon as she was back home I was able to go be with her. She needed 24/7 care for several months, so naturally we rallied as a family and took turns being by her side. Even though she thinks she burdened everyone, for me it was a big blessing to spend all that time with her. And even though she if functioning on her own for the most part now, we are still visiting as often as we can. I treasure this time we get to spend with her. Ava + I got to help her decorate her Christmas tree this year and it was so sweet to watch them hang ornaments together. And my brother has been my Nanna’s right arm this entire time. He has been the biggest blessing her life.

At the beginning of the year I started my first 365 project, which of course I failed to continue once all the craziness hit. But it did spark a new joy of photography for me, and it reminded me to see the beauty in the everyday little things. I’ve had a camera in my hand since I was 15 years old when I got my first DSLR camera. That’s um… 23 years… And I regret that I never took the time to really learn my camera all those year. Up until last year, I didn’t know the different between shooting in RAW verses JPEG (the whole world of difference), I didn’t use Lightroom, I didn’t know what 1/2 the settings on my camera did, didn’t know what Kelvin was, didn’t even know how to manually change my Fstop. I’m not kidding you. While I skated by with decent photos somehow all those years, I can only imagine what I could of done all those years. I still don’t know very much, but I’m learning + it has been a game changer. I’m also getting more confident in my ability to photograph others. I was so shy about it that I rarely shot other people than myself b/c it was out of my comfort zone. Now it’s all I want to do thanks to my beautiful friends who come prance around the woods with me and let me dress them up + tell them what to do. My creative spark has definitely grown this year in alot of ways. It was a year of creative play when it comes to photography. I’m currently saving for a new camera + I’m so excited just thinking about the day I get to start playing with mirrorless!

This year some friendships have began to dissipate + some have grown so much deeper. This is the nature of life. The ebb + the flow. I have had alot of emotional heart stuff to work through. Relationship pattern revelations. Leaning into the hard stuff + soaking it away in the tub. I spent alot of time in solo contemplation this year. I’m already starting to ponder the things I want to fall away this coming year, and the things I want to add into my life… but that is for another day.

It’s only appropriate the we are on the threshold of the Winter Solstice as I return to this space. The days will begin to have more light + grow a little longer. Hopefully we begin to see the light return a little each in more ways than one…

MOCKINGBIRD

Yesterday we found this sweet Mockingbird in our yard, who had already crossed to the other side. Ava was with me when I found it so I decided to share with her what I usually do with animals who have crossed... but before I could even begin to tell her, she just knew. She said mom, it needs a nest, let me go make it one. Then she brought this bowl full of leaves to me. Then she said, it needs sticks, birdies like sticks. Then we picked fallen flowers off the ground and arranged them in an honoring way around the sweet bird. She wasn’t upset at all, like she innately knew that it’s death was a part of life. She did exactly what I would of done with her own instincts. It was so incredible to witness. We put the birdie under my moms angel statue for nature to take care of the rest.

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Then last night I hopped in the tub to pull some cards for the upcoming full moon eclipse. One of the cards I pulled was The Flyers, aka knight of wands in traditional decks. In this deck it speaks of coming into contact with a winged one, to gain more insight. I would definitely say that happened. So, on to the Mockingbird...

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Keynote: Finding your Sacred Song (soul purpose) + Recognition of your innate abilities... I have been getting so many messages lately about a change in course, transition in soul purpose, a new path... I don’t know what that looks like at the moment, but my hands are opening.

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After my dad died, I had some very specific + strong messages from the animal kingdom, especially the flyers. One of their dear friends told me one day that God will show up in ways we are willing to see, and from that moment my heart was set at ease with my connection to spirit. But I haven’t felt that deep connection in quite a while until recently, and the flyers have come again to open me back up to something grander. I may not connect with God in the way most do, but I feel the messages + inner knowing through nature. This is my connection to spirit.

A KANTHA CAPE

Dear Diary…

We are currently going through what is a called a Pandemic, a global one. Everyone has been told to stay home and only venture out for necessities. So many people are out of work and are fearing how they will stay alive if this lasts too long. Some people are stuck at home all alone, or even stuck away from home if they happened to be across borders at the wrong time. Many people are deemed essential to keeping the wheels from completely falling off in our society, so they have to remain going to to their 9-5’s, being surrounded by the threat of getting sick themselves. And maybe they are not so worried about getting sick themselves, but they are worried about getting their loved ones sick, or potentially spreading it to someone they may never know who wouldn’t make it through if they caught it. There is alot of cause for panic right now, and rightfully so. It’s a pretty fucked up situation we have all globally found ourselves in at the moment. There are a million reasons to be in fear.

But at the same time, I have also seen so much beauty through the ashes. I have never seen so many people building living room forts with their kids, making homemade loaves of bread, staying closer in touch with those they love, truly noticing their surroundings and slowing down, spreading love + hope for others, planting gardens and digging their hands in the dirt, coming together in unison to create some sort of connection, even if it’s singing out of window lofts together, musicians sharing live concerts, artists finding creative solutions, and the list goes on and on. Oh, and the good news channels popping up like crazy. The amount of people realizing how much they were wasting in their normal lives. The deep exhale mama earth is getting right now.

There is so much yin and yang in a situation like this. There is no denying it’s a shitstorm in so many ways, and it sucks really really badly for so many right now. And there is also so many new seeds popping up out of the ashes of humanity. It’s been like a wildfire wakeup call for so many of how deeply we need human connection + interaction, how much we truly take for granted each day, and so much more.

I would love to know how this has affected you? How are you hurting, and what silver linings have you seen? It is totally valid to feel all the feels. To sit in the silence. To scream in the silence. To fill up new spaces. To be happy. To fully embrace this time as a deep transition of learning a new way. To play. To rest. To cry. To grieve. Whatever it is YOU need. Allow that. That is the way through.

This last photo is one of my favorite photos I’ve ever captured of Ava. We made her a cape from one of our Kantha Bae swaddle blankets, and I captured her running around the backyard. It was one of those moments that reminded me just how special and magical childhood is. She is growing so fast. She is so smart and independent. I never want to miss these moments. Making magic in our backyard.