A gentle return. Easing my way back into this space, once again. This seems to be a seasonal thing for me… the old feeling of missing the good ol’ days of blogging creep back in when I’ve had enough of social media. When I want to express more than just a few blurbs that quickly get scrolled past. It was around February of this year that I came back to this space originally, and then HELLO 2020. The shit show began. Although that definitely just feels like an excuse now, everything definitely turned upside in so many ways this year, for everyone. What a wild rollercoaster we have all been forced onto, and led down.
James quit his job of 17+ years within the first few weeks of the pandemic. I think that has been our biggest personal silver lining in all of it. It hasn’t necessarily made our lives easier, but in many ways it has. While we have to be way more intentional in our work from home, we have more time now that he is not at his day job to be able to focus on our work at home. We can divide our time with Ava more so I can get more work done when I need to. We have more free time to do the things we want, like go have lunch at the coffee shop if we want. That has truly been our biggest luxury, being home at the same time and being able to go do something together if we want. It’s the best decision we made this whole year. We definitely have our ‘oh shit’ moments of being able to live solely through our own means, but somehow we find a way through it as we put one foot in front of the other.
This year also brought some unexpected events when my Nanna broke her hip and found herself in the hospital at the beginning of the pandemic. That was hard b/c I wasn’t able to even to go the hospital to see her. But she made it through like a champ and as soon as she was back home I was able to go be with her. She needed 24/7 care for several months, so naturally we rallied as a family and took turns being by her side. Even though she thinks she burdened everyone, for me it was a big blessing to spend all that time with her. And even though she if functioning on her own for the most part now, we are still visiting as often as we can. I treasure this time we get to spend with her. Ava + I got to help her decorate her Christmas tree this year and it was so sweet to watch them hang ornaments together. And my brother has been my Nanna’s right arm this entire time. He has been the biggest blessing her life.
At the beginning of the year I started my first 365 project, which of course I failed to continue once all the craziness hit. But it did spark a new joy of photography for me, and it reminded me to see the beauty in the everyday little things. I’ve had a camera in my hand since I was 15 years old when I got my first DSLR camera. That’s um… 23 years… And I regret that I never took the time to really learn my camera all those year. Up until last year, I didn’t know the different between shooting in RAW verses JPEG (the whole world of difference), I didn’t use Lightroom, I didn’t know what 1/2 the settings on my camera did, didn’t know what Kelvin was, didn’t even know how to manually change my Fstop. I’m not kidding you. While I skated by with decent photos somehow all those years, I can only imagine what I could of done all those years. I still don’t know very much, but I’m learning + it has been a game changer. I’m also getting more confident in my ability to photograph others. I was so shy about it that I rarely shot other people than myself b/c it was out of my comfort zone. Now it’s all I want to do thanks to my beautiful friends who come prance around the woods with me and let me dress them up + tell them what to do. My creative spark has definitely grown this year in alot of ways. It was a year of creative play when it comes to photography. I’m currently saving for a new camera + I’m so excited just thinking about the day I get to start playing with mirrorless!
This year some friendships have began to dissipate + some have grown so much deeper. This is the nature of life. The ebb + the flow. I have had alot of emotional heart stuff to work through. Relationship pattern revelations. Leaning into the hard stuff + soaking it away in the tub. I spent alot of time in solo contemplation this year. I’m already starting to ponder the things I want to fall away this coming year, and the things I want to add into my life… but that is for another day.
It’s only appropriate the we are on the threshold of the Winter Solstice as I return to this space. The days will begin to have more light + grow a little longer. Hopefully we begin to see the light return a little each in more ways than one…