MOOREA'S 52 LISTS PROJECT

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I have been following along with my friend Moorea's 52 Lists project as I can.  I decided to keep most of my lists private and just for myself and my own healing and transformation.  But this one I thought I would share b/c its more light and fun, and I wanted to spread the word about her amazing project before it gets too deep in, b/c I think everyone would benefit from it.  Im a list person, so as soon as I saw her post about it, I got a wee bit excited b/c I love making lists.  I wasn't able to jump right in at the time, so I have gone back and printed out all of the lists up until about a week ago, so you can do the same if you are behind and feeling like you cant start b/c you haven't been doing it each week.  I tend to get behind on almost every online project or e-course I ever do.  So I always just know I can print things out and do them on my own time, and that works for me.  I realized a while back there is no point in pressuring myself to keep up with anyone else, b/c this is my own process. 

So, back to Moorea's lists.  They are pretty life changing, even in little ways.  Some are more deep thinking and some are more light and simple like this one.  But each one gets you really thinking about yourself, and your personal growth and development, which I think is good for anyone.  If anything, it helps you to feel more connected with yourself.  I think the more connected we are with ourselves, the more we can honestly and opening connect with others.  So I think what Moorea is doing is great.  And I know she is going to be doing some big change the world kind of things in her life.   

*My photo layout above is directly inspired by her layouts.* 

Go checkout her 52 Lists Project here. 

On another note, I hope everyone went to check out their horoscope with KV yesterday.  They are some seriously amazing reports.  And if you missed it, there are some really good releasing and grounding rituals, along with some free art! 

DADDY

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Last night as I was laying in bed I couldn't stop thinking about my daddy.  (I drank hot chocolate before bed, so it was a long time before I fell asleep :)  And for the first time in a long time, I was able to really think about him with a huge smile on my face.  Not a face full of tears and heartache.  Sometimes I honestly avoid thinking about him, b/c it just hurts so much.  Memories came rolling in about the things he used to do.  The silly way he was.  My dad was a very silly man.  He had the most insanely odd sense of humor Ive ever known in anyone.  The things he made jokes out of would send most people running for the hills, and I loved it.  He had so many little quirks.  Little things he would do with his hands when he talked or was in a goofy mood.  Little things he would do with his voice.  He gave all of our cats the longest strangest 'pet' names.  He was his own unique being, different from anyone Ive ever met.   And the most creative person I will ever know.  He oozed creativity.

He had very strong piscean energy.  He had amazing, sort of other worldly characteristics and moods, a huge heart for the people he felt loved by and for animals, a gentle soul.  As well as moments of desperate despair, self hate, and acting out in anger from deep buried childhood wounds.  When I was younger it was rough around our house alot.  Usually centering around my brother, and I grew up feeling an enormous amount of guilt that he was the one who endured the weak parts of my dad.  There were periods of my life when I questioned whether or not my dad was a good man.  I was confused by the contradictions of his sweet soul and his anger and distance at times.  But I always knew he was a very good man with alot of hurt in his heart, and the hurt is what was showing when he showed those sides, and I felt so much empathy for him.  And I share the same empathy for my brother who endured a much different life than I did.  I have been a witness to watching both of these special men in my life, blossom into beings who I completely admire and respect for so many reasons.  They have both shown me how to grow through adversity in a world that is not always equal for all.  They have shown me that just because you have some really hard patches in your life, doesn't mean that is who you are, or who you have to remain.  I am in complete awe of my brother who is holding down an amazing, highly intelligent job, and raising a five year old son all by himself.  It's alot of work and he is doing it so well.  He continually amazes me.  My family has alot of women in it, and my dad and my brother are the two men who Ive had to look up to in my life, and I'm honored that its them. 

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Since my dad decided to take his own life, I have been buried with emotions of sadness, anger, guilt, emptiness.  So many different hard to understand feelings.  I felt a huge lightness come over me after releasing his ashes on new years eve.  But still at times, I find myself overwhelmed with these feelings.  I felt guilt for not being there for him as much as I should of after my mom died.  I went through alot of my own craziness, twists and turns in relationships, and a general period of mistrust to the point I didn't even want to leave my house.  I will always feel I should of hung out with him more, taken him out to do more things.  I know I did.  I did alot of things with him, but I still feel I could of done more.  But at the same time, those few years after my mom died, was the closest I ever became with my dad.  Before then, my mom was always the one I would talk to about personal things.  And my dad actually became that person.  It was a dynamic I never thought I would have with him.  We talked on the phone alot, and he would tell me all about the relationships he was 'trying' to have, and I would tell him all about what was going on with me.  Ill never forget the ways we were able to open up to each other during those 3 years.  I actually got to witness my dad 'finding' himself.  He was married to my mom for 26 years, and for the first time he had to learn what life was like alone, and actually face himself, his fears, and his regrets.  And at the same time, learn what really made him tick, and what made him come alive.  I literally saw him blossom before my eyes.  And through the stretch we all had to endure of watching my mom die of cancer, he showed his love nature in the most amazing ways, one of which was hand crafting his own wifes coffin.  He was a carpenter, and this was such a monumental moment for him to share his craft in this way.  We were all so proud of him for being able to do it.

I will never stop being impressed with my dad.  The way he lived his life doing what he loved with his hands.  The way he would teach himself how to do something if he had no clue how to do it.  His sense of humor.  His love for music and friends.  His love for his dog Noogs.  The things he taught me growing up.  His hardworking ways.  So many things.  I can still hear him calling me 'kiddo' in my mind.  He was the only one that called me that.  I hope that I can continue having more and more moments of remembering him with a huge smile on my face.  I want to get past all feelings of anger and guilt so I can freely communicate with him without those walls Ive built.   

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My daddies life story is one full of heartache, trials and tribulations, love, learning, loss, creativity, goofyness, providing, enduring, expressing... the list goes.  A very human experience for a being that was out of this world.   I am so glad he was my dad.

FULL OF LOVE

I am a bit overwhelmed with gratitude and joy for the sweetness that has come into my life.  Not just this week, but always.  I have met so many wonderful people through this online connection, and weeks like this it just screams at me how sweet it really is.  Not all of these come from my online connections though... It is one of the grandest things to get a little surprise from someone you see on a daily basis as well, or someone you have known for more than half of your life.  All of these things below came to me this past week or so, from people who have come into my life and made a connection, whether a deep bond, or a kindred spirit feeling.  I am forever grateful.​

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So, my boy called me up on the phone from work the other day and asked me the question... 'teal or yellow ombre'.  First, I thought it was cute he used the word ombre.  It was a hard word for him to remember, but thanks to Project Runway, he got it.  I chose teal, b/c its a tride and true color for me in most things, and yellow can be a hit or miss in my book.  When he got home, he rang the doorbell, and when I answered he gave these beautiful flowers and this little baking dish to me!  THE BEST gifts.  When we were at heb shopping the other day I saw these little baking dishes and squealed b/c they were so damn cute!​  I have a big crush on mini cookware, especially in pretty colors.  So these stole my heart instantly.  And, these flowers are my favorite kind.  Ranunculous.  I have no idea how to spell that word and don't feel like looking it up quite frankly.  But I love them.  And in this color.... oh my.  He had no idea they were my favorites, b/c well, I guess Ive never told him, or maybe I didn't even really know myself.  I remember wanting them for my wedding, but they didn't have them were we got the flowers from.  So James, if you are reading this, you got it right babe!  Big time!!!!  I love you!

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These special things above are from my oh so dear friend Robin Grace.  I'm so in love with her.  We have this kindred bond that seems so otherworldly.  Like we really are twin flames.  Its weird, but amazingly fascinating.  Since our time together last full moon, she has sent me THREE handwritten letters in the mail!  What???????????  It makes my heart pitter like in the movies when someone receives a love letter in the mail.  Yep.  This girl has stole my heart.​

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I'm not even sure how to explain how honored I am to have received these gifts above from my soul sister Katelyn of Gypsy Moth Sol.  She was gifted two mourning dove wings and feet from a family member, and on her journey home from California to Louisianna, she stopped by to stay the night at my house... And she surprised me with them, along with one of her hand bundled rosemary smudge sticks she gathered while in California.  I couldn't believe she gave them to me.  So... this takes the whole 'best friends' necklace idea to a whole new level yo!  These are so sacred to me.  Thank you Katelyn.  You are so important to me, and I'm constantly amazed by how far our friendship has come from just admiring each others photography online.  I love you.​

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​These absolutely adorable items above are from Lou from Stars in Jars.  I'm a just getting to know her, but from the moments weve had so far, she is the sweetest!  I love her traveling stories and her bravery.  She sent me these goodies all the way from Korea.  So So sweet!!!  I think the little postage stamps are just adorable.

And yesterday I was over the moon surprised when I checked my mail box to find this care package of makeup goodness from Michelle of Cosmic Bath & Beauty.  I sport her makeup in all of our Bohemian Collective lookbooks, as well as my everyday life makeup.  I'm so in love with her colors.  And her clove chapstick is a daily MUST of mine!  Beyond her wonderful amazing products, she is the sweetest soul!  It has been nothing but pure joy working with her and slowly getting to know her.  She is wildly beautiful, inside and out.​

These are just a few of the most recent tangible gifts of love Ive received.  But I am constantly overjoyed with the love I receive on a daily basis from so many people, through comments here, on facebook and instagram, and personal emails people send me.  Absolutely grateful.​

Instagram Love

​snippets from the past week or so...

1. bella hanging with us on the couch, lookin all cute
2. a package of sea goodies from Jade Stone
3. new shoes c/o blowfish, called cleef, im in love
4. date night with myself and wayne dyer
5. lunch date with my bestie and her kiddos
6. my new moon bedtime soulwork
7. violet after her grooming
8. stones i found in my moms seashell collection
9. bella found a new cuddling spot while i work in my studio
10. me the day of a massage, wearing gypsies caravan and roots & feathers earrings together

The winner of the Cosmic Eyeshadow giveaway has been announced under the giveaways section!  Look forward to an awesome giveaway from Blowfish Shoes in a few days!​