A WEEK OF {RE}MEMBERING...

It has already been one week since my "Hitting my reset button" post... I actually didn't even realize during this time that I haven't blogged in a whole week.  Which is very unlike me.  I'm not sure where the fear comes from of not blogging regularly.  Maybe that people will forget about you?  Or that you will lose momentum altogether and just become uninterested?  Even though I don't blog 'business' related stuff all that often, and this blog is more of a personal behind the scenes of my daily life, in a way it can really feel like a 'job' at times when you are constantly trying to 'keep up'.  With what?  I'm not sure.  But going a whole week and not even stressing about it has been so good.  I have been filling my days up with so much more this week.

This has been the BEST thing I could of ever done for myself and I truly hope that the changes I am making continue on once my life does pick its pace back up and I become full heartedly involved in my next magazine issue, or creating a new collection for Roots & Feathers, or whatever my 'busy' looks like.  I pray that I continue to integrate what I am learning now within those times too.  But I think it has been so very important for me to take a real, long break.  I have said no to so many wonderful opportunities already this past week.  Or not necessarily a NO, but a not right now... But, sometimes in this fast paced world, saying Not Right Now could mean that offer moving right along to the next and never looking back your way.  And I have allowed myself to be okay with that.  If its a collaboration that is really worth something, it can wait.

I have been overjoyed with the comments and emails I have been receiving about my decision to take a pause.  You guys make me feel so supported and I want to thank you for all of the encouragement and reaching out you have done.  It has meant so much and truly filled me up. 

The first day I was off I worked on a project I had thought about for a good while.  Taking down all of my mom's stuff off of this shelf my dad built.  She had it in her sewing room, and when I transferred it over to my home I put all of her stuff back up on it.  This room used to be my studio at that time, but its been a long time since its been a functioning room of any kind.  Right now it is just to used to workout in.  This shelf feels so out of place in there and I realized it was time for me to take her things down and fill up with my own life.  I have plans to move it from this room to our living room and to paint it a fresh new color and then fill it will all my own little trinkets.  This will also help alleviate my clutter problem.  I will be able to move alot of the small objects I have all over all my desks and countertops to this shelf to be nicely displayed.  I think it is just going to be an overall good move.

After I got the shelf all cleared off I came across this photo below, of my parents sitting below this same shelf in their home (before it got painted).  I love that my dad made this shelf.  He was such an amazing craftsman, so to be able to showcase one of his pieces in my home just feels so good.  But the photo below was pinned on a board with the word "re member" on it.  It just felt like a connection with them, as I was making this transition with this shelf I felt like I was re-membering myself, and then I found this.  I will definitely be adding this photo to the shelf once it makes it into its new spot!

Speaking of my parents, this photo above was taken out at their place on one of our check-ins.  The leaves are falling in masses out there.  They have so many trees there that I don't have in my yard, so the leaves always look different.  I almost always walk away with a handful of leaves when I'm out there.  Two people just this week have gone to look at their house for sale.  It's still all very surreal, but its happening.  The process is in the works and people are requesting to see it. 

We have had a TON of fires this week.  The other day I woke up and made a fire and just kept putting logs on all day long, and I sat by the fire until it was time to go to bed.  It was incredible.  Just the day I needed.  And Bella quite enjoyed it too.

I made a batch of (slightly over roasted) rosemary almonds, which are sadly all gone now.  Can't wait to make some more.  I sort of devoured them.  Another huge shift that has happened this week during my downtime has been my diet.  For the past 5 or 6 days I have not had any grains, dairy (except eggs) or sugar (except a small amount of coconut palm in my morning cup off coffee).  I'm experimenting with eliminating some things to see if I can reverse a few health issues.  In just a short time I feel such a huge difference.  HUGE.  So far I have not given in, but I won't say it has been easy.  I knew this break time was going to lead to some life altering choices, I felt it in my bones, and each day something new is coming to me in my down time.  I keep feeling led to certain information and pieces of my puzzle are starting to fit together.  And it EXCITES me!

A moment of beautiful bits of light coming through the window, creating rainbows on the way, along with twinkle lights.

This has been my daily tonic for a few weeks now to combat allergies.  A cup of filtered room temp water with one whole lemon, 2 tbsps apple cider vinegar,  1 tbsp cinnamon and a shake of cayenne, with local honey to taste.  It tastes so yummy and has tons of health benefits.  I found it on the Farmer's Almanac site.  This, lots of water and green teas have been some of the ways Ive been nourishing myself everyday.

Yesterday I had one of the best days in a long time, although by the end of it my head hurt so bad I had to retire to the tub.  But I spent the day cleaning house, listening to good music, using my yummy face mask from Wild Honey Apothecary and making yummy nourishing meals. 

I scrubbed my floors with my hands.  I washed shelves and cupboards, baseboards.  Just really giving my home some love and attention.  I'm still not done b/c this process takes alot longer, so I only got to a few parts of the house.  But I am going to continue as I can each day.  My intention was to do the second half of the house this morning, but the world had other plans for me today and now I feel mentally wiped.

I got brave and dyed my hair.  I got rid of my ombre that I have had for several years now.  This was HUGE for me.  My hair has been like a security blanket for me.  It is all now dark brown and I'm still adjusting.  But I think I'm liking it more and more each day.

James surprised me with Neil Young's new album.  Already one of my favorites.

I remembered yesterday that I had a pomegranate bush growing in my backyard!  One was ripe enough to eat.  So I sat on my back porch and ate it for about an hour, b/c that is about how long it took to eat, ha ha.  It was wonderful.

Through this time I have still had do attend to work.  I finished a wholesale order up, Ive helped James make Skyline Fever shirts (which by the way we released a new one last week), Ive filled daily orders and answered about 50 emails.  I have just been spreading these things out and really taken down time in between, and staying offline as much as possible (except for instagram).  Allowing myself to be fully present if I am cooking, or doing the laundry, or eating a pomegranate.  This is where the shifting is occurring...

HITTING MY RESET BUTTON

Today I walked through a threshold.  One that I think I have been walking circles around for years, but never finding the courage to actually walk through.  It's a door called naked truth.  The truth that while I am in the middle of creating some of my biggest soul work to date, I am also losing self & the heartbeat of life.  Real living.  The kind of living that I fervently search for and seek out with the artisans and creatives that I share through my soul work, my magazine.  Over the past few months my creative life has shifted in huge ways.  I'm no longer sitting behind a desk creating beautiful bohemian pieces of jewelry.  I mean, I am to fill my orders that come in, but I have not created a new piece in months.  This use to be the thing that drove me.  The creation of the new piece.  Then the next new piece.  Then the next new collection, and on and on.  Now, I am spending my days searching for others who are doing similar things to what I no longer have the time to do, to fill the pages of my magazine.  I have taken a step back from the creator position, to the messenger position.  Of course, I am still creating, just in a different way.  Either way, things have shifted.  But I have not let go of anything completely.  So now, I am taking on being editor in chief of a magazine, being a jewelry designer as orders come through, being a full time blogger on two websites, creating lookbooks, being a fashion blogger, fulfilling millions of other little commitments that go along with each of these things, and being co-owner of my husband's thriving tshirt company, which keeps us busy most evenings.  

The things is, I am passionate about all of these things.  I have not let go of any of them b/c I love them all so much.  They each bring me joy in different ways, and have become such a part of my life.  But lately, I have been feeling my commitments becoming very overwhelming.  I find myself spending less and less time outdoors, and more and more time online, answering emails.  Even though I have so many wonderful things going on in my career I am beginning to feel a deep well of emptiness in life, outside of my career.  The things that mean so much to me... walks in nature, date nights, time spent with friends, making art for the sake of making art, writing from the soul, yoga and moving my body, spending time on nourishing my body with real food, dancing to music, hooping, just playing.  Doing things for play, and nothing more.  I cannot remember the last time I picked up a paint brush.  Its been years.  I feel like I have been chasing goal after goal after goal for years, and slowly, so slowly that I didn't even notice, things began to fall away.  People, interests, intimacy.

 
Something hit me yesterday, and life became more apparent than ever.  I need to stop, slow down, reevaluate, re-member, and start dancing again.  Dancing with life.  It's hard for me to find this balance.  It is my nature to strive and go, go, go.  It is my nature to be very career oriented.  It is my nature to be more serious, and hermit-like, which keeps me from reaching out to otherS and going out and enjoying more of life.  I am home bound most days, which in turn allows me to focus on my creations pretty much full-time, non stop.  I think the biggest thing that will change that one day will be having a baby.  But until then, this is my truth.  And I am ready to start rewriting that truth.  Or at least recognizing that truth so that I can create new scenarios.  I can challenge myself in new ways.  Less career focused and more self nourishing choices day to day.  I can't tell you how many lists I have made throughout the years, over and over, of all the things I would love to focus on.  It usually consists of things like gardening, learning to cook new and wholesome meals, riding my bike, yoga, meditation, creating art for the sake of art, date nights with my man, spending more time with friends, etc.  Things that seem pretty simple actually.  But all things that I continually allow to be pushed aside for all the deadlines I have created for myself in my career.  It can get confusing and messy when your creative endevours are your main source of income, because they are a must in many ways, just like any 'job' would be.  But the lines get easily blurred when you work from home and don't define actual working times, or when your office is in your living room.  Life and work are constantly mixing together for me, and at times like now I wake to realize I have allowed the work part to bleed over too much into the life/play/nourish part. 

So, I have decided to step back a bit.  I am cancelling my winter magazine issue, which is very hard for me to even say.  I already had pretty much the entire issue mapped out and everyone emailed, and now I must go back and say I'm sorry to so many people.  But a good friend told me today that I'm not saying 'No', I'm just saying 'Not right now'.  I really needed that perspective.  My perfectionist and career oriented brain feels like I'm giving up.  But I'm not giving up, I'm just setting a new boundary for myself.  One that will open up new doors and release old baggage.  At least that is what I am hoping for.  I haven't really taken a break in 5 years.  I still have numerous commitments that I will attend to, things I already said yes to.  I am already so far behind on so many.  But allowing myself to say no to this winter issue gives me a few months to not have that also on my plate.  I will still be working in ways b/c well, I have to pay my bills and eat.  So I am not bowing out completely, and will still be present online, it just may be in different ways.  

I'm ready to return to me.  To get back to smiling and loving life more than feeling stressed out and overwhelmed.  Chasing dreams is a wonderful thing, but sometimes you have to rest and recharge.  I am hitting the reset button.

PRIESTESS OF THE BONES

I woke up Halloween morning feeling not an ounce of my usual Halloween spirit.  It is my favorite holiday after all.  But this month has flown by so fast for me, that it was hard to believe it was already here.  As of that morning we had no solid plans on what we were going to do for the evening.  None of our friends were trick or treating in town like usual.  We thought we were just going to stay home and watch scary movies like last year.  Then while James was at work he ran into one of my parents friends who invited us over to their family party.  Which was so cool b/c that morning I was missing how we used to go over there every year with my parents.  So we ended up going to a party AND trick or treating after all!  I got to see old friends I hadn't seen in years, who now have kids who I had never met.  It was great!

So, last minute I threw together this costume.  I had this little black velvet jumper I got at F21 with the idea in the back of my mind I would wear it for Halloween, but never really got around to put any ideas together.  I was walking around my house and I spotted this branch sitting in the corner.  I have kept it for a few years now thinking I was going to make a hanging clothing rack out of it and just haven't done it yet.  So now, it has new life!  I have lots of bones on hand, so it just started flowing together and before I knew it, I was the Priestess of the Bones.  And not surprisingly, it felt very natural.  Although by the time we got done trick or treating I was completely over being the jumper riding up, and the heavyness of the hat, etc.  Luckily I brought along my boyfriend jeans and a hoodie in case I got to cold, so I spent the rest of the party enjoying being me.

I love how beautiful my jewels from Aurora Shadow & Star Native fit in with this outfit.  I almost never wear one of their work without the other.  I also tend to wear my Strong Medicine Studio cuff ring and Silk Bone Jewels ring when I wear them too.  I love all the silver together. They are just the PB&J of jewels.  And this is two years in a row I wore both this vest from Mamie Ruth and these boots from Lulu's.  Maybe I can keep it up in future years... And this bag I just got from Ladies of Paradise was so perfect.  (They just launched their site and have the most rad bags, you must check them out!)  If you have bought the Bohemian Collective Magazine, you might recognize the necklace and hat!  They were both featured in the Made For Pearl editorial. 

It ended up being a great night!  I'm so glad we didn't stay home and watch movies, although that would of been fun too... it was so much better spent connecting with people we love.

BIRTHDAYS + DANCING + THRIFTING

I love today's post b/c it is so full of LIFE.  I had a very fulfilling weekend.  The first few pics are from our friend Jonny's birthday.  My scorpio friend turned 26.  It had actually been a whole damn year since the last time we had been out to his house.  This past year has kept us both very busy and life had made some twists and turns, but it was so nice to be out there again in the hills of Tarpley, surrounded by good friends, and enjoying each other like old times.  It was such a good and needed night.  Oh, and I fell in love with a girl that night.  See that beautiful brown haired sweetheart in my lap?  Her name is Pancake.  And it was love at first sight...  Oh, and we had a dance party, which basically consisted of me, Jonny & his mom while everyone else watched, like always.  Except his cousin joined us for a few songs with some really rad moves, it was awesome. 

The next night I had a date with my bestie.  We went to one of our local honky tonk bars to listen to some friends of our play their beautiful music, drink a few beers and just be with each other.  Shortly after being there the cutest little old man (must of been in his 90's) asked us to dance.  At first we sadly turned him down out pure fear of dancing.  We both get super shy about it and have turned down plenty of men during our outings, usually never batting an eye at saying no.  But this 'no' crushed our hearts.  Well... 2 songs later he got the courage to ask again, and I couldn't say no this time.  I was terrified and had no idea what I was doing, but I'm so glad I did it.  We were the only ones on the dance floor and he showed me what to do.  I think we both gifted each other a little something that night.  I'll never forget the look in his eyes.

After sleeping in the next day, James and I went to our local antique shop.  Always one of my favorite things to do.  I found a beautiful vintage belt & a free people top for $12!  Score.

Then on sunday we went to the city to celebrate my nephew turning 7.  He was so cute the whole night and had a blast at his party.  It was just family, no other kids, and he didn't mind a bit.  He loves to be with his family and gets so excited for each person who shows up.  And he was my hero.  He was shooting nerf darts with James, and when James tried to shoot me he ran over and stood front of me with his arms wide open shouting 'Don't shoot aunt Laura!  I loooooveeeee her!!!!'  ha ha, it was so cute.  He is my little monkey.

The last pic is just a pic of my sexy husband, just b/c he is sexy.  ;)