THREADS // A MOMENT TO PLAY

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outfit details: socks + dress + tunic - free people // kimono - threadsence // boots - blowfish shoes // hat - lovely bird hats // body chain - duke of jahan

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A few weeks ago I was having a rough day.  I can't remember why now, but that is not important.  I found myself up in the clouds of my head and not able to ground myself into anything I wanted to accomplish.  So instead of beating my head into the ground, or walking myself into circles around my house a million times, I decided to play dress up and have fun with photos.  Instead of using my real camera, I played with my phone camera, which is a little harder to operate for me without being able to fully control the lighting.  It was on a whim, and just for the hell of it.  I stayed dressed up around my house that day too, and even though I wasn't going to see a soul except my husband that day, it was just for me.  And it felt good.

Sometimes it feels good to play.  Whether its feeling the girl in you and playing dress up in pretty clothes.  Or prancing around yourself house in your skivvies.  Or anything your heart would call play.  Even if its just for 10 minutes.  If I find myself feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, stuck, unmotivated, whatever the feeling may be that is causing me to feel off, finding a way to play helps me.  When I am with my camera, I lose myself in the moment while I'm doing it.  I'm not worried about emails, or to do lists, or dirty floors.  All those things pause for the time being.  I usually return to my task at hand feeling refreshed, from being outdoors, from tapping into my creativity, from allowing myself to feel good in my skin, and from taking moments away from work. 

All you need is your backyard, your phone, and the freedom within you to be yourself.

MY HEART BELONGS IN THE WOODS

I took these photos about 10 minutes after returning from staying the night at my Nanna's for her birthday.  It was such a joy to get to spend the night with her, celebrating her and being with her, and my other family.  I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.

Anytime we visit the city, whether its to see family or to go grocery shopping, I feel a sigh of relief in my body when I return home.  (Not at all from leaving the people that I love, but from the bustling of the city).  The traffic to get from here to there, the busyness of it all, the almost getting in an accident almost everytime your on the highway... By the time I get from point A to point B, my nerves are shot.  I literally feel wound up inside.  I'm not sure why I am so sensitive to it.  I'm sure most people are not like that.  Although James is too, and we are kind of like opposites. 

The first thing I did when I got home, was brew a pot of coffee, and take a walk outside on my very small piece of land that I live on.  We have a tiny little strip of trees next to our house that we get to call our own.  Luckily no houses are on the two lots next to us, so I get to pretend they are mine too, as long as no one is looking ;) 

I daydream of the day we have a home with at least 5 acres.  James and I both grew up in homes in the country with acres of land to roam around in.  I had 22 acres of wild growing woods, and James had several acres of creek bed, cliffs and woods.  We both yearn for that kind of space in our home.  This past year I have done a good share of daydreaming of our 'dream home'.  So far, all the ones Ive fallen in love with have sold.  But I am reminding myself that when we are ready to make the jump into that home, it will become available for us.  Its just waiting for us to be ready, b/c right now we are not.  This year, we are both determined to work hard, be very wise with our spending and saving, make good choices financially, and work step by step towards that dream of ours.  It won't magically happen.  Although, it will take some magic!  A good combo of Magic + Hard Work.  I have faith in both.  Working with spirit, and allowing spirit to work with you. 

For now I will fully enjoy and embrace our little piece of land, while still allowing myself to daydream for the future. 

2015 WORD OF THE YEAR

Ive been pondering my word of the year for 2015 for a few weeks now.  One of the first words that popped in my head was Root.  But like with everything else I do, I must try out lots of other words to see if they fit better.  The past few days the word ROOT has been clearly showing up for me, giving me perfect confirmation, in perfect timing for the new year.  I got my first real confirmation on the Winter Solstice + New Moon while contemplating the word Root and pulling my cards for the year ahead in the bathtub.  The card I pulled as the 'theme' card for the year was Seed (or The Fool).  To me, the seed felt strongly related to root. 

The last few weeks, I have kind of been on an emotional rollercoaster.  Mostly in a funk though.  Feeling lost, blue, unmotivated.  Just really out sorts with myself, my body, my creativity, my relationships, etc.  You name it, I felt odd about it.  It hit me big time yesterday when after losing some of my favorite jewelry I found myself on the living room floor, doubled over, sobbing.  I thought, God Laura, you are crazy!!!  Who cries over jewelry like this?  I felt like I was being super materialistic.  But these pieces were all handmade, with so much time and love put into them, by people that I love and respect, and knowing that I might not get to wear them anymore genuinely made me sad.  Literally two minutes after my breakdown on the floor, I found my jewelry!  Ha ha.  I had gotten myself so upset for nothing.  It made me take a step back and really feel what I was feeling, and I knew it wasn't about the jewelry so much per say, as it was really more of an underlying state that I have been in.  After the elation of finding the jewelry, within an hour I found myself feeling depressed again.  Something has just felt off. 

This morning I woke up from a dream about a fox, who had befriended me.  Lately I have dreamt about animals like crazy.  Since the new moon I have dreamt about a white horse leading me & James through the woods, a deer licking me when I was alone and scared, a baby panther that I held in my shirt next to my belly while climbing a huge massive tree, and now a fox.  Also a few dreams about rivers.  All signs of feminine energy, kundalini, root, sexual/creative energies, etc.

Last night I was chatting with a dear friend and she reminded me of the texts from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, so I had that on my mind... as I was looking for a cd to play this morning while I drank my coffee, I came across her audio book The Creative Fire.  It has been a while since Ive listened to it, so I popped it in.  I ended up spending the morning listening to all 3 discs, and creating this wall hanging for myself with my word of the year on it.  (every year I intend to make one for myself, but I usually am too busy making them for other people, this year is mine...)

Throughout her cds I found myself completely absorbed, realizing it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear.  Reminding me deeply of the need to get to the Root of some things in my life.  Also reminding me I am right where I am suppose to be.  I just couldn't place my feelings.  But I am in my own underworld right now.  Things are dormant for a reason.  Everything is okay.  And I will reclaim myself once again.  I also found myself in tears over just about every story she told.  I just felt them all so deeply.  Even ones I didn't personally connect to in this moment, I just FELT them to my core.  ANYONE who is an artist, I highly recommend this audio book.  Do yourself a favor, and go buy it now as a new year's gift to yourself.  You won't regret it.

Another thing that reconfirmed my word was the book I just started reading, The Wild Feminine.  Another suggestion from my friend.  I saw her post about it last week and something in my gut told me to buy it.  Within the first pages I was reading last night while sitting on the couch, the word ROOT popped up about 10-15 times!  It was just meant to be my word.

There are some things that are just far to personal to ever talk about on my blog here, and alot of what revolves around my word is just that.  It will be a deeply personal word to work on throughout the year.  And something I have avoided for far too long.  It's even part of what my dietary changes are all about.  I will be working on this word in the most holistic way I can, from all angles.  Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual...

I woke up this morning after all of these little things clicked together, with a renewed sense for the new year.  24 hours ago, I did not see the silver lining.

Oh, and about the dreamcatcher I made... I'm in love with her.  The tree branch reminded me of a root, which is why I used it.  I added a deer antler tip and an ET crystal, two things that are meaningful to me.  An old medicine bag a friend gifted me, and one of my special turkey feathers.  I am thrilled SHE will be adorning my walls as a daily reminder to go to the ROOT.

Have you chosen a word for the year yet?  I'd love to know what it is and what it means for you if so...

SOLSTICE + HOLIDAYS MOMENTS

A few moments from celebrating the Winter Solstice to Christmas.  I must admit, it feels way more natural to me to celebrate the solstice than it does christmas.  I love that this winter solstice happened the same day as the New Moon.  It felt extra special.  I love to take these times to really get quiet with myself, do some real internal check ins, write, dream, make lists and goals, examine where Ive been and where I want to go, etc.  The winter solstice marks the new year for me.  I like to draw a tarot spread for the year ahead on this day, as well as a card for the year.  This year I drew The Fool, which is perfect as I re-examine my life and bring in brand new ways of being.  Like I am at the beginning of a new journey.  A new start. 

P.S.  Is that bottom picture of my nephew and cousin not the greatest photo ever?  Aiden got his first bike and a fart gun.  He couldn't of been happier.