Just a few little tidbits from the past week or so. I'm working away on the Bohemian Collective spring magazine. Weve got lots of things going on here with our babies. Working on getting Bella's hyper-thyroidism regulated + Violet is having some ol' lady joint pains. These guys just fill our world up, we love them so much. Ive been rearranging the house alot and redecorating some spaces for an exciting feature coming up. I'm getting back to my yoga routine as much as possible. And dreaming up some big plans for our future. Alot on my heart right now. xo
SEVER YEARS
Seven Years. Today my mother has been gone from this earth for 7 years. It's crazy to think about all that has transpired within seven years, that she has not been here to witness. She has walked with me in spirit all along the way, I know. But oh the things I wish I could sit down and talk with her about. The difference in who I have become from age 25 to 32. I guess actually I am a completely different person, since I have heard it takes 7 years for every cell in our bodies to die and renew themselves. But in so many ways, I am such a different person. I wish I could sit down with her, through all the things Ive experienced and learned, and have real heart to hearts with her. I'd love to still get to know her more deeply as a person too. I'd love to inquire about so much. I'd love for her to still be my best friend, here on earth.
One thing seven years has also brought though is peace. Peace with her being gone. I'll never stop wishing she was here, of course, but I am so much more at peace with the reality of it these days. This summer will be 4 years since my daddy has been gone too. I think part of the peace comes from the time gone by since I lost him too. Just as I was gaining peace a few years ago with my mom's death, my dad was suddenly gone too, and the pain started all over again. Some days life is simply just odd without them here. Some days it just hits me. Cuts to the bone when I know I will never be able to touch their skin again. Some days it feels like I never had parents to begin with. I know that sounds strange. But there are times, when day after day of them not being here, it begins to feel like they were never here. I can't describe it. I feel so thankful when they visit me in my dreams, or show themselves through an animal in passing. Those little moments that bring them back to life in a flash.
Seven years ago I lost the most amazing woman I have ever known. I am so blessed I was HER daughter. From what so many people tell me, she lives on through me in so many ways. I hope people never stop seeing her when they look at me.
I have a photo of her that I keep next to me on my desk. It was from a day her and I had a date at a local (gone) coffee shop called Fool Moon. We sat outside in the sunshine, drank coffees, talked, and got silly with the camera. It's a picture of her sipping her coffee, and her eyes just radiate. Everyone in my family has a copy of it, and they all say its their favorite picture of her. I remember the fun and joy we had with each other that day, and it radiates from her eyes. I would kill to sit on that bench with her one more time and tell each other all of our secrets. But since I know I can't, instead I have heart to hearts with her in my mind. I talk to her through the trees and with the birds. I seek the love she held day after day through my own living. In my heart, she will always be alive.
LOVE FOR A RAD ART COMMUNITY
“I’m constantly blown away by people’s Talent. Art. Love. Kindness. Support. Strength. Bravery. Beauty. and so much more. This community that has formed around me online is full of so much radness.”
I just posted this as my facebook status. Then felt called to write about it here. I really am. So constantly inspired by others, and blown away with their creations, love, and so much more. I have been working with other artists for years now, through collaborations of all sorts. This community is one of the kindest, loving and sincere groups of people Ive ever met. I guess partly b/c when we communicate with each other, we get each other. We understand the artist within the other. We are kind of our own breed in a way. Along the way I have met many who are just competitive, jealous, judgemental, petty, or only show up to use you... but luckily I can say they are fewer and further between these days. It feels like the Art community has softened the last few years (at least within the people I have come in contact with) and even myself. Or maybe its b/c when I recognize those qualities in people I tend to just leave them alone. There is more community, and rising up for each other, and sharing each other out of love.
Ive been working on building the spring issue for the Bohemian Collective Magazine, and the heartfelt exchanges that go on through this creation are so overwhelmingly beautiful. I feel so honored to be working with so many people with such big hearts. I also feel so welcomed and loved through this community, which only further feeds my passion for what I do. I have made some of the best of friends through this. And while I can't personally connect so deeply with each person, the small connections made through simple emails are just so sweet.
Sometimes it just fills me to the brim with joy. I love what I do.
PIECES OF HOME
Just a few randoms from the past week or so. We celebrated James birthday, we went out on a double date with my bestie and her husband to eat indian food and found out that James loves it!! We ate lots of indian food leftovers on the floor. We made birthday pancakes. I enjoyed cozy time by the fire once or twice. Getting in every fire I can before the season changes.
All in between alot of crazy work. James got his biggest wholesale order for a really exciting client that we can't wait to share! It was super short notice, time sensitive and huge. So pretty much every spare moment we have had was spent in the garage working on them. While James does the part that I can't do, Ive been emailing and brainstorming like crazy on the spring issue of my magazine. Things are happening!!!
I have lots of little things I have fallen behind on from this week, but I have to give myself some breathing room this weekend. Feeling so blessed, and so tired. Time for some major self love to balance things out. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that there MUST be balance. Must. Be. Balance.