It’s been almost 5 years since I last wrote in this space. My mind is bouncing around reflecting on all of the women I have been within the last half decade. I recall the woman who was terrified of the rupture she was about to create in her world. The woman who found her bravery to burn it all down for the sake of her soul survival. The woman who learned she loved driving and found so much joy in taking herself on adventures. The woman who reclaimed her sensuality through dance, music and self exploration. The woman who created spaces at markets and local shops she had always dreamt of. The woman who made new friends at temples and moon circles. The woman who hiked hill tops for sunsets and dipped in ice cold lakes to meet her edges. The woman who took herself out solo to drag shows, record shops and camping at a music fests she had always wanted to. The woman who found her beauty in going makeup-less and growing out her body hair. The woman wore too many hats at one time and exhausted herself bone deep. The woman who fell in love with a friend who should of just remained a friend. The woman who found herself on the shower floor in complete devastation for months because of that. The woman who found a fire in her belly so deep it scared her. The woman was unable to let kindness be her first reaction in the face of separation. The woman who laughed so hard she peed herself and spit out her soup. The woman who found the poet within. The woman who felt like she was failing as a mother. The woman who also became a more free-spirited, playful mother. The woman who caretook her grandmother for three straight years in the midst of her own unfurling. The woman who met herself with new depth embracing her aging grey hair. The woman who felt lost more times than she could count. The woman who found life giving rituals. The woman who left them all behind for a season. The woman who cut her own bangs and felt empowered and the woman who chopped off her hair and cried for two weeks straight. The woman who found and left pieces of herself in hillside trails, river currents and lovers. The woman who dove headfirst into friendships with an open heart and found acceptance when the time to go our own way came upon us. The woman who thought her heart would never recover only to find the dark nights of the soul were just doorways all along. The woman who got lost only to find herself. The woman who found her way back home. The woman who learned to use her voice and trust her emotions. The woman who finally saw her own patterns that were holding her back. The woman who is still choosing every day to learn the art of patience, compassion and love. The woman who now understands that it is a choice you make in every moment.
