Hello brand new year. Something about this new year feels different than the others before. Lighter, more hopeful. A feeling of being supported, from my guides and angels, from the universe, from my higher power. A knowing that I am safe, cradled, loved, as well as given permission to go out there and explore, make mistakes, and scrape my knees. Knowing I have the gift to make up my mind what my earthy experiences are going to be, and how I am going to react or handle them. And that if I feel myself feeling taken over by fear, guilt, shame, longing, resentment... all I need to do is go within and take a closer look at why, and then choose to find another path. There is always another path. If you can't see it, keep rubbing those eyes sleepy head.
We found this little birdie egg on our doorstep the other day. I haven't found a bird egg since I was a little girl. The fact that it was right there, welcoming us home, the same week we have fully welcomed the idea of bringing a new little one into our lives felt very connected. The birdie that goes off by itself sometimes in our house has gone off twice this week too. I can feel my mother's presence so intensely. Literally the past two weeks I have been told how much I look like my mother about 30 times. From friends online to family members I haven't seen in a while. And when they look at me, its almost as if they really are looking at my mom. Like they are a bit stunned at what they are looking at. I'll share an image below that I put together yesterday of me and my mom side by side...
I snapped a bunch of old pictures when I was at my Nanna's house last weekend, I'll share more soon. They are wonderful. Even found one with my black lipstick in high school! But lately I am seeing more and more of my mom in myself. I don't know if its b/c I have decided I want to be a mother soon, or if it's the part of me that feels herself coming into her womanhood in a new way... Maybe a bit of both.
I have felt a shift occur within me lately. I think the first day I recognized it was Thanksgiving day. And it's become more and more apparent since then, really hitting me this week. There have been some heart burdens I have been carrying with me for a few years now, so old I can't even really name them anymore, or understand why they would still be there... and after years trying to release them with no real change, it is like all of a sudden they are gone. Last full moon I did another releasing fire ceremony and really gave it my heart, and since then it is like a veil has been lifted and I realize I can simply walk forward with my life with no worries of the past, no longing to change how things went, no guilt around the death... like a brand new start. It honestly just came with a change of thought patterns. As I was putting up my christmas tree I remember talking out loud to myself and I found my self cursing and talking increasingly faster and louder about the things I just wanted the f out of my body. I think that was the beginning of my true voice coming through and standing up for itself. It felt good, like I could almost feel the layers peeling off of me in that moment. I'm sure there will be more layers... but then again, I have conditioned myself to believe there are always more layers. Maybe this time, this was it. Maybe this one is over.
This was on the packaging from a gift from a dear friend this christmas. MAKE SOME MAGIC. Let's say CHEERS to making some magic in 2014.
