BELLA ROSA

My sweet soul companion Bella Rosa made her exit from this world on March 9th around 12:15 pm.  She lived 16+ happy years by my side and I couldn't be more grateful for every moment I had with her.  She was without a doubt the sweetest kitty I have ever known, and was such a mama's girl. 

She came into my life when I was in high school.  One day my boyfriend at the time was sitting on his porch when a little white kitty came out of the woods, came right up to him and jumped on his shoulder.  His dad would not let him have another animal so he called me.  My dad wouldn't either, but we decided to sneak her into my bedroom anyway.  She stayed there for about a month or so before he found out, thanks to my mom's help!  Then one day she snuck out into the living room and my dad saw her.  We lived in the country and already had about 13 outdoor cats, so with begging and pleading my dad let me keep as long as she went outside with the others.  She lived about a year like that, and when I moved away from home at 18 she came with me.  My first pet to leave home with me.  Since then she has been through my side through everything.  Heartache, death, confusion... always by my side, and always the sweetest presence. 

Since I have been pregnant she would lay on my belly every night and purr so deeply.  We joked that she was incubating my baby.  She could be so silly too.  She loved to get riled up at night before bed and play with the covers.  She loved to be outside and roll all around on her side, just flipping and flopping and making funny noises in pure bliss of the outdoors.  She always stayed close to home, never straying in the woods too far at all, so we would let her outside whenever she wanted.  I trusted her.  I could call her name and she would always come running back inside.  She was the most photogenic kitty ever.  Her eyes were so big and beautiful and it looked like she was wearing eyeliner.  She loved to be by my side, no matter what I was doing.  She loved hanging out with me in my studio while I created.  She loved to be spanked on her butt, like seriously loved it.  She loved peas.  Of all things, peas.  She always smelled like campfire, it was the best smell ever.  She loved to spend time in the tee pee with me.  She was the laziest player ever, she would bat strings or play with toys while she was laying on her side.  Everyone who met her loved her.  Opposite of Banjo who is afraid of anyone new.  She loved on people and loved it when people loved on her.  She was kind, gentle, nurturing, silly, beautiful, and will never ever be forgotten.

I spent the last few days of her life sitting near her, and the last few hours sitting on the floor with her with my hands on her, talking to her and letting her know it was okay.  I have a crystal that my mom held while she was dying, and I put it next to her through her transition.  It was hard and sad, but I will never regret spending those last moments with her, comforting her as much as I could while she passed from one realm to another.  Now she will always be my angel, and Ava Pearl's little angel too. 

I could literally post 1000's of photos of her.... here are a few of my favorites.

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE BUMP

via rootsandfeathers.com
via rootsandfeathers.com
via rootsandfeathers.com
via rootsandfeathers.com
via rootsandfeathers.com
via rootsandfeathers.com

Ive been meaning to take some real maternity photos of myself throughout my pregnancy, and haven't felt up to it until this week.  James keeps trying to remind me to do so, and I'm so glad I finally did.  I don't want this special time to fly by without visually recording it.  I love seeing images of my mom when she was pregnant, and sadly there are very few of them around. 

I'm 13 weeks pregnant and feeling really great for the most part.  I think Ive had a bit of depression, or just several emotions around my life and the way it will be evolving and feeling a little (okay, a lot) lost.  I'm sure its just the huge transition of going from a woman to a mother.  Wondering what will fall away in my life for a while, or for a lifetime, and nervous and excited about what will come into my life, forever.  There is a whole lot of unknown to this huge life change. 

Ive also allowed the state of my house really get to me.  I completely let it go while I wasn't feeling good during the first trimester, and now I'm finding it hard to get back into my groove of cleaning and nesting.  Everything feels overwhelming.  The de-cluttering, the things I want to move around, my sentimental heart, all of it.  I know it will all get done in due time and I'm trying to continually remind myself not to stress about it. 

My kitty Bella is also not doing well and it's breaking my heart.  Ive had her for 16+ years, since I still lived at home, and she has been with me through every life event, always a mama's girl.  Her thyroid issues have worsened and now her kidneys and liver are going downhill.  She is light as a feather, which is so hard to see.  I know it's all part of it, the process of life and death.  I watched my mother go from a vibrant human being to a state of such fragility through her cancer.  It's never easy to visually see these changes in the people or animals that we love.  So, right now my heart is in just keeping Bella as happy as can be for the rest of her time with us. 

This is life.  All at the same time it's beautiful, life changing, sad, exciting, lonely and full.  A beautiful mess of all kinds of emotions and daily life happenings...

Right now I feel very blessed to be having a good pregnancy, to be with someone who is so excited about the little baby in my belly, to have a wonderful family and groups of friends who are equally excited about our little baby, to not have to stress about work too much while I'm pregnant, to have animals in my life who fill me up with so many smiles, to have a place I call home, to have wonderful neighbors who invite us over for christmas eve dinner, and so many other things.  These are the things I will try to focus on through the holidays.  It can be difficult this time of year, when you have people you have lost and wish so badly they could be here, but they can't.  It's always a good reminder for me to see what is still in front of me that can be cherished, nourished and loved.

(I'll be sharing a ton more photos over on the Bohemian Collective blog, and will provide artist links over there when I do)...

PIECES OF HOME

Luna's Locket Log Cabin Candle

Luna's Locket Log Cabin Candle

Aurora Shadow Necklace + Moorea Seal Bag + Dolkii Jeans + Free People Hat

Aurora Shadow Necklace + Moorea Seal Bag + Dolkii Jeans + Free People Hat

Sacred Bath Space - Painted Stone by Lotus & Nightshade + other special items

Sacred Bath Space - Painted Stone by Lotus & Nightshade + other special items

My reading nook, now cozied with the softest blanket from Catori Life

My reading nook, now cozied with the softest blanket from Catori Life

Just about my favorite Skyline Fever tee + my most worn flannel + Glitter & Bones Necklace

Just about my favorite Skyline Fever tee + my most worn flannel + Glitter & Bones Necklace

My sweet Bella + Dreamcatcher by Of The Wolves

My sweet Bella + Dreamcatcher by Of The Wolves

Tea Time

Tea Time

Blue Grass Perfume by Amrita Aromatics + Necklace by Spirit Tribe

Blue Grass Perfume by Amrita Aromatics + Necklace by Spirit Tribe

My porch after the rain

My porch after the rain

Who doesn't love Mr. Banjo?  Those eyes...

Who doesn't love Mr. Banjo?  Those eyes...

WERE HAVING A BABY!!!

So, after my last blog post I kind of left you hanging.  I shared the exciting news on my instagram and fb, and by that time in the day I was so exhausted I couldn't even think about getting on here to blog.  Then I kind of forgot I didn't share on here over the last week.  Geez.  Anyway, James and I are expecting a little baby!  I can still hardly believe it.

I'm starting to get my energy back, so fingers crossed I'll check in here more with updates.  Just this past week I have felt alot of shifts happen, with my energy levels, and with food.  Although I'm still very tired, I feel like I can actually function now.  And finally many foods are sounding much better than they did a week or so ago.  I really struggled for a bit with anything food related.  I was very lucky though to only have really bad nausea for a week and 1/2 and that's it!  It's mostly been extreme fatigue that has got me, and food aversions. 

It was exciting to spend my first holiday yesterday surrounded by family who is so excited about this little baby.  Although I was pretty tired and felt like I just ate and laid on the couch, ha ha.  It was definitely a different Thanksgiving experience this year.  My Nanna is so excited she can hardly stand it.  I'm just as excited for her!

I'M GONNA BE A MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!