HERE WE GO AGAIN

I am sitting here in a quiet house, a rare occasion these days, with nothing but the sound of the wind outside + my diffuser whirring next to me. I’m consumed with the swirling scent of peppermint + lemon. Try it, it’s so refreshing. I waited until James + Ava went to his mom’s house for a few hours before starting today’s post. I didn’t want it to be tangled with interruptions every 30 seconds (legit real life with a 3 yo). After revamping this blog all day long yesterday, I had dreams all night of this space. It feels exciting to get back to it. Even now, feeling my fingers glide across the keyboard. This is what I missed. I’m so over typing out captions with one finger on a phone. Call me old school, but I really prefer a keyboard and an actual desktop computer. I hate how you can’t even appreciate how beautiful a blog is on a phone b/c of the way it’s layed out. It’s just not the same.

So here I am, coming back into this space. I have tried over the past few years to pick back up where I left off, but it never stuck. I even tried starting a whole new blog after Ava was born, Mama Bird Little Wing. I didn’t want this space to turn into a mommy blog, was my thought. But then I began to feel pigeon holed over there and realized I definitely couldn’t keep up with two blogs just for fun, so I quit that too. Everything has it’s time and place though, I believe. So, here we go again…

I have a pattern though, with Mercury Retrogrades. It always comes out of left field and rolls in with a fierce fire of excitement. I revisit old things. That is the natural thing to do during this time. But it always happens unexpectedly and unintentionally. So, I understand I have this pattern of returning to old projects, getting all fired up, sticking with them for a little while, and then one day I don’t, and it’s over. Always during a retrograde. I was born during a retrograde and have always felt pretty connected with these spaces of time. This time, I want to recognize this pattern, and be intentional with how I handle it. And in this space, I want to give myself permission to write about whatever the fuck I want to, whenever I want to. That feels freeing. Like the good ol’ beginning days.

What I miss the most about blogging was the community that was formed through it. I have friendships today from over a decade ago that were formed b/c of my little blog. They were connections that ran deep enough to stand the test of time even after all the blogs died. I think that says something.

So, here’s to trying this thing again, without expectations or limitations, on my own terms, as it should be. If you are reading this, leave a comment and let me know how long you have been reading my blog. Anyone remember the old blogspot? I think I started blogging in 2009…

Sending you all visions of sunshine on this cold, wet + windy day. xo

UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE MOON

Tonite is a Full Moon Eclipse, and this eclipse season during a Mercury Retrograde has got my brain reviewing this past year, especially going back to last year during this time, which was an incredibly intense eclipse season for myself personally.  I came across this old post the other day and it all flooded back in.  I have shared little snippets of that time here and there online, but never really sat down and wrote it all out.  In hindsight, that season brought such magic through darkness.  Below are some images I took during that Blood Moon.  I hold these moments deep in my heart.

This day was a turning point in my life... a threshold that I stepped over.  Pretty much my whole life, I have loved kids, even wanted to be a kindergarten teacher for a long time... but I was terrified of having my own.  When I lost my mom almost 9 years ago, the fear grew and festered into a deep ugly monster.  The thought of raising a child without her around just seemed unbearable.  Then 3 1/2 years later when I lost my dad, it got even worse.  I let fear consume me. 

On this particular full moon, I had alot of soul searching going on in my heart.  Old wounds resurfaced in a big way, and I learned just how big my fear was... not just about having a child.  But in general.  I was allowing fear to take over me.  I had situations arise that allowed me to take a deep hard look in the mirror at who I had become, who I was allowing to hold me back, and what needed to be released from my body.  I spent the entire day in my stick tipi.  Talking to the universe, digging up my bones, laying them out and examining them, and surrendering and letting them go the best I knew how.  Let's just say that full moon and I had the biggest heart to heart we had had in a long time.

I saw my very first owl in the woods that evening.  It was the most amazing experience.  It inspired me to draw the Luna Owl design we have for Skyline Fever (not knowing at the time it would become a shirt).  There were messages all around me during those weeks.

By the end of that evening, looking up at the moon as it eclipsed, I spoke out loud to the universe that I was ready to have a baby.  I told that moon that I was ready.  To carve out the space inside me for new birth to grow.  TWO WEEKS LATER on my next ovulation, I got pregnant.  I didn't know for a few more weeks, but looking back once I found out, it felt like pure MAGIC.  I have no doubt in my mind that after many tears, hours of heart to heart with myself, and lots of letting go and releasing, that I opened up space in my body to plant a new seed.  And one that I never knew could be as sweet as it is.  My little Ava Pearl truly fills so many holes that have been lingering in my body for years.  She is an angel and a healer.  To her mama at least.  She confirms my belief in Divine Timing. In the magic of this universe. In my connection with the moon.  And now she too will know that connection... as a DOUBLE cancer, born so close to a new moon, with a MOON FACE.  She is our moon baby, our little moon.

I have wanted to write this out for so long, it's only fitting I end up writing it one year later on another full moon eclipse.  Full circle.  Circle of Life.

PIECES OF HOME

PRANAMAT

"I'm excited to start adding the @pranamat into my yoga routine for extra relaxation and muscle relief.  All of my muscles are adjusting to the new life of having a baby, so I'm up for any way of bringing relief.  Not only are these mats beautiful with their lotus designs, they are eco-friendly + FDA certified as a medical device!  Now that I am at the 6 week postpartum mark, I'm ready to start focusing on my self care alot more.  Thank you @pranamat for giving me one more option in my #selfcare routine."

My excerpt from an instagram post a few weeks ago.  It summed it up pretty well, so I just copied it here instead of retyping it.  I will admit my self care routine postpartum has been pretty hit & miss.  One day I'm doing yoga, drinking tons of water, eating healthy, going for walks, then the next day... or week, I'm hardly doing any of these things.  Life with a baby has definitely allowed me space to go with the flow of life, and if something doesn't get done that I had wished, then so be it.  It just is what it is for right now.  But that being said, I really do want to make my self care routine more of a priority right now.  It's been almost 10 weeks since Ive had Ava and I'm ready to start feeling more like myself again. 

Most days look like this below... Not finding the time to do a whole yoga routine, so I plop on the floor where Ava is and stretch for even 5 minutes, or lay on the Pranamat for 5 minutes.  I figure anything is better than nothing. 

I just adore the beautiful lotus design of Pranamats.  Functional and Beautiful, my favorite combination!  There are so many different ways to use this mat, and several different reasons why!  Check out more info on their site, it's pretty amazing.

What are some of your favorite tools for self care, working out, or relaxation? I'd love to hear!