NEW MOON ENERGY

The past two days Ive had very shady internet on top of my blog completely not opening for me... which in a way is very fitting for this new moon period.  Although it did frustrate me b/c I really wanted to get the new moon info posted on the KV Reports page yesterday, I was not able to.  So PLEASE just go straight to KV's You Tube channel and watch the New Moon in Virgo report as well as your individual sign reports, and if you want to go deeper, watch your rising sign and moon sign as well.  My blog just started working again and I'm about to be baby sitting for the rest of the evening so I just wont have time to get it up otherwise.   

The night before last I spent some time in my stick teepee as the sun was setting.  I was going to journal, but I ended up just talking out loud to the universe instead.  Which ends up being better than journaling for me most of the time.  I spoke my heart, asked alot of questions, opened my heart for receiving and then pulled some cards.  Which all ended up being major arcana, which doesn't happen very often.  Needless to say it was a long, intense reading.  Then I got shooed away by the deer.  Two days in a row I actually made the deer in my backyard upset by being there.  I think they were just being overprotective b/c they have young right now and one actually recently died somehow.  So, I went back inside so they could have their peace grazing in the field without worrying about me.  If only they knew I would just be their best buddy and cuddle them and give them food!   

Then last night I took a long soak in the tub and re-read The Skeleton Woman chapter in Women Who Run With The Wolves.  I love how the book is broken up into stories that you can go back and re-read.  This is one of my favorite stories in the book and one that really helps me alot when I start to feel frazzled in relationship of any kind.  And it being the new moon, the time of darkness, it felt like just the right time to read this chapter again.  I relate so deeply with the stories in that book, and can identify them all in my own life one way or another.  Such a sacred writing.

This new moon has been full of ups and downs.  Really the past couple of weeks.  I have found myself more irritated and frustrated than usual over very little things.  Very re-active.  Which is one thing Ive been trying to examine within myself, especially in relation to James.  But the good thing about these shadow aspects coming to the surface full force is they are in your face, bold and identifiable, so that they can be examined and learned from.  I am in a huge space of shedding more layers, letting go of toxic threads Ive held to people from my past, moving away from fears, allowing an opening to shift, and seeing all of the dark corners residing up inside me, just waiting to be plucked out, so I can sew up the energy leaks they have created in my soul.  This is an pretty dark process, but one I feel is going to happen quicker than I think this time.  My heart is preparing for a new phase in life, a huge shift in what is familiar.  Scary, exciting, and the work must be done. 

For tonite though, I am going to honor my moontime by laying on the couch with James, a movie and our friends baby.  Hopefully, the baby agrees.   

FULL MOON CONVERSATIONS

I took these during this past full moon.  During her fullest brightest time, I spent three evenings in a row just sitting outside with her, talking to her.  After my mom died, my relationship with the moon really began to take a personal turn.  I had always had a connection with the moon and stars, felt a strange pull and lure towards them in a very deep way... but this was different.  I began to have conversations with her as if it were my mother.  I remember countless nights in our rent house in town where I would go outside and lay on the front lawn and just talk to her.  Sometimes I would write poetry in my head under her.  Sometimes just feel her, soak her in.  It's like it gave me a face to look back at, now that I no longer had my mom's face looking back at me.  Since then, it has always been so.  There was a while I lost touch with that though, so it felt really good to reconnect in that way during this full moon.  I just sit in my backyard and talk.  Ask questions.  Put things out there.  Dream.  Wish.  Let go.  Cry.  Laugh.  Whatever needs to be felt.  Really it ends up being a very personal session with myself, looking within, and working things out.   

This past full moon the clouds were amazing.  Transelvania style.  My favorite kind on a full moon.   

I have been missing my parents so much lately.  It's been pretty heavy on my heart for weeks now.  Fortunately, they have shown up in almost all of my dreams!  Countless dreams have taken place at their home, with them their, surrounded with friends and family.  It's been comforting to see them there. 

I AM ENOUGH

Lately this has been on my mind alot... allowing others negative talk get you down.  And not even from anything that has happened to me recently... more just what I see online through others.  I think seeing it circulate though, might of brought up old wounds within myself.  Which may be why they stood out to me.  Then last night, I realized the most negative talk I receive personally comes straight from myself.  I have had some back and forth feelings lately that are kind of down and out, and last night I decided to journal out the 'Lies' that I tell myself.  It did not take me long to fill up a whole page.  And even after that, the thoughts kept flooding in. 

There is enough life sucking energy that you can absorb through others, whether its online or through face to face relationships... if we allow them to.  Throughout my life I have had friends and lovers decide to drop me after the smallest of things would happen or leave me for someone else.  I am sure everyone has experienced this at least once, and I'm sure I have even done this to others.  I know I have.  I do think its a part of learning relationships and learning how to still love yourself through it, and have compassion for the other even when it hurts.   I have even had people not want to be close to me because of who I am friends with, because they are not good enough.  But I realized last night, it may still have a thread connecting itself to my psyche.  A little seed that was planted each time that says... 'Laura, your not good enough'.  Or... you weren't smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, outgoing enough, etc. etc. 

I just really want to see judgement slip away.  The biggest place, from myself.  Beyond all the petty stuff that others may place on us, we can easily be our own worst critic.  Looking at the list I made last night, some of those things I realize have been shaping me, molding me into something other than what I truly desire to be.  Keeping me from a place of light and pure love.  It's super easy for me to love others, and as much as I would like to think I love myself, there are still so many things I tell myself in my head that I would never tell a friend.  So why am I telling myself those things?  These things are not truth.  They have been keeping my true self at bay and I feel her wanting to rip her clothes off and fight tooth and nail until all of those lies are buried in the ground.

You may have noticed I have not been sharing as much personal stuff lately here on the blog as I usually do.  I think a part of it is because of this.  I am feeling very blocked in my voice right now.  Even writing this out, makes me want to just delete it.  But I feel I must let it go.  Face my current truth.  And reach out... to you.  Do you experience this too?  What do you do to get yourself away from these thoughts?  I am ready to face myself, as the image above would suggest.  (It's a preview from an upcoming lookbook)... I dont feel this way all the time.  Most of the things I wrote down I didn't even realize I thought until I started journaling it.  I think there are things we carry with us on a daily basis that we don't even realize are there.  And I hate to think those buried thoughts are keeping us from our highest potentional. 

Collectively, let's start with this one simple affirmation for ourselves (daily): I AM ENOUGH.

Don't ever let someone else tell you that you are not good enough.  Smart enough. Educated enough. Pretty enough.  Strong enough.  Skinny enough.  Healthy enough.  Spiritual enough. Whatever your ______ enough may be.  And even though it may be hard, lets try not to tell ourselves these things anymore either.   

Do you have a personal affirmation you need to tell yourself?  Want to share it?  Leave a link to your photo below.

SOULSIGH // A SACRED BLESSINGWAY

As the days go by I'm getting more and more excited for this beautiful ecourse to be released.  I'm so honored to be a little part of it, sharing my experiences of healing through art.   

This is what they have written about Soulsigh: 

  “Join us on July 22 for a 4-week journey filled with art assignments, soul prompts, yummy guests, private access to a sacred circle of soulful, wild women, meditations, rituals, our whole hearts, and more.” 

So often we become disconnected from our hearts and intuition through shame, disappointment, disillusionment, and lack of gentle witness from a wild sisterhood of wise women. This e-course is designed to bring you into a loving relationship with your body and spirit through deep nurture and tenderness in preparation for birth. All creativity is birth, whether it is a creative lovechild or your own soul-awakening. We honor your creative feminine and invite her to thrive, joyful and abundant, within your heart.

This four-week course follows the cycles of the moon, carrying us through light and dark, swelling and emptying as we love ourselves home through nourishing self-care, intimate witness, and healing rituals.  We come alongside you for this journey, humble and vulnerable, sharing our own stories.

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If you want to learn more about this course and possibly even join us, find all your yummy info here at Soulsigh.org.