MOCKINGBIRD

Yesterday we found this sweet Mockingbird in our yard, who had already crossed to the other side. Ava was with me when I found it so I decided to share with her what I usually do with animals who have crossed... but before I could even begin to tell her, she just knew. She said mom, it needs a nest, let me go make it one. Then she brought this bowl full of leaves to me. Then she said, it needs sticks, birdies like sticks. Then we picked fallen flowers off the ground and arranged them in an honoring way around the sweet bird. She wasn’t upset at all, like she innately knew that it’s death was a part of life. She did exactly what I would of done with her own instincts. It was so incredible to witness. We put the birdie under my moms angel statue for nature to take care of the rest.

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Then last night I hopped in the tub to pull some cards for the upcoming full moon eclipse. One of the cards I pulled was The Flyers, aka knight of wands in traditional decks. In this deck it speaks of coming into contact with a winged one, to gain more insight. I would definitely say that happened. So, on to the Mockingbird...

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Keynote: Finding your Sacred Song (soul purpose) + Recognition of your innate abilities... I have been getting so many messages lately about a change in course, transition in soul purpose, a new path... I don’t know what that looks like at the moment, but my hands are opening.

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After my dad died, I had some very specific + strong messages from the animal kingdom, especially the flyers. One of their dear friends told me one day that God will show up in ways we are willing to see, and from that moment my heart was set at ease with my connection to spirit. But I haven’t felt that deep connection in quite a while until recently, and the flyers have come again to open me back up to something grander. I may not connect with God in the way most do, but I feel the messages + inner knowing through nature. This is my connection to spirit.

IRIS APFEL

So, last night I was enjoying my first hot bath in a long time. Our water heater has been on the fritz for the past 1/2 year and we finally got it replaced. So I was soaking it up last night when Ava came into the bathroom with these glasses on with a smile from ear to ear. I instantly thought of Iris Apfel + immediately decided we needed to do an Iris inspired shoot. I actually got out of my nice hot bath b/c I was so inspired, so I could gather up things out of the closets for the morning. Ava helped me too and she had so much fun gathering things for the shoot. I showed her some pics of Iris online and she started mimicking her poses she saw in the photos. I’d say she nailed it. It was dark and dreary with rain this morning, but we didn’t let that stop us.

“I can't tell people how to have style. No amount of money can buy you style. It's just instinctive.”

“More is more and less is a bore.”

“You don’t have to be an artist to be a creator, because creativity comes in a lot of forms, like cooking or keeping a house or dressing well. What you need is imagination, to make things up for yourself.”

“Why do I wear such large glasses?
The bigger to see you with, my dear.
Anyway, you have to have fun. If you can't have fun, you might as well be dead.”

A KANTHA CAPE

Dear Diary…

We are currently going through what is a called a Pandemic, a global one. Everyone has been told to stay home and only venture out for necessities. So many people are out of work and are fearing how they will stay alive if this lasts too long. Some people are stuck at home all alone, or even stuck away from home if they happened to be across borders at the wrong time. Many people are deemed essential to keeping the wheels from completely falling off in our society, so they have to remain going to to their 9-5’s, being surrounded by the threat of getting sick themselves. And maybe they are not so worried about getting sick themselves, but they are worried about getting their loved ones sick, or potentially spreading it to someone they may never know who wouldn’t make it through if they caught it. There is alot of cause for panic right now, and rightfully so. It’s a pretty fucked up situation we have all globally found ourselves in at the moment. There are a million reasons to be in fear.

But at the same time, I have also seen so much beauty through the ashes. I have never seen so many people building living room forts with their kids, making homemade loaves of bread, staying closer in touch with those they love, truly noticing their surroundings and slowing down, spreading love + hope for others, planting gardens and digging their hands in the dirt, coming together in unison to create some sort of connection, even if it’s singing out of window lofts together, musicians sharing live concerts, artists finding creative solutions, and the list goes on and on. Oh, and the good news channels popping up like crazy. The amount of people realizing how much they were wasting in their normal lives. The deep exhale mama earth is getting right now.

There is so much yin and yang in a situation like this. There is no denying it’s a shitstorm in so many ways, and it sucks really really badly for so many right now. And there is also so many new seeds popping up out of the ashes of humanity. It’s been like a wildfire wakeup call for so many of how deeply we need human connection + interaction, how much we truly take for granted each day, and so much more.

I would love to know how this has affected you? How are you hurting, and what silver linings have you seen? It is totally valid to feel all the feels. To sit in the silence. To scream in the silence. To fill up new spaces. To be happy. To fully embrace this time as a deep transition of learning a new way. To play. To rest. To cry. To grieve. Whatever it is YOU need. Allow that. That is the way through.

This last photo is one of my favorite photos I’ve ever captured of Ava. We made her a cape from one of our Kantha Bae swaddle blankets, and I captured her running around the backyard. It was one of those moments that reminded me just how special and magical childhood is. She is growing so fast. She is so smart and independent. I never want to miss these moments. Making magic in our backyard.

HOW TO SLOW DOWN

Yesterday we played in the dirt + it was so good for my soul. I had been itching to get out and dig in the dirt for a few days but it has been rainy here this week. Yesterday the rain lifted, but it was still so yummy + dewy out all day. We ditched the gloves and sunk our hands into the moist soil, well at least I did. Ava just helped as long as her hands didn’t get dirty, lol. I’m trying to teach her to get dirty, but she does not like things to get dirty. As soon as she gets something on her clothes, she insists on changing them, and whenever her hands get dirty she has to wash them. I mean I guess that’s good, but I’m trying to teach her the opposite, ha ha! Get dirty little one, it’s good for your heart!

We pulled up some fresh dandelion leaves and made our first green smoothie of the season. I typically only like to drink smoothies in the warmer seasons. I never crave them in the winter. It kinda felt like a christening of spring yesterday for me. Then for dinner I pulled up some wild onion chives to chop up and put on our baked potato fries. They ended up being some of the best fries we’ve ever had.

I wore my mama’s mud boots which always make me feel connected to gardening. That woman LOVED her garden like her life. Almost every morning when her crops where in season when I would show up to her house for work (after high school when I worked for them) she would have to bring me out to her garden and show me everything first, always with these boots on. I miss the sacred land they had built their home on so deeply, and these boots walked alot of miles on that land with her feet in them. So anytime I put them on my feet I feel like I’m slipping into a part of her. I wish I had paid more attention back then to all she was telling me about her garden. And dear God I wish she was alive now to come help me create my own, she would LOVE it. But she can’t, so I’ll just wear her boots and think of her while I fumble around in the dirt. I may not know what I’m doing, but I do know the feeling I get when I put my hands in dirt and that is enough for me.

find a little bit of land somewhere and

plant a carrot seed. now sit down and

watch it grow. when it is fully grown

pull it up and eat it.

~stephen gaskin