A SIMPLE WALK

The other day we needed to take our trash down to the dumpsters which are right next to the river. James asked us if we wanted to go walk down by the water after taking it and it reminded me of how something so simple can be such medicine. It has been a very stressful couple of months. The kind that never seems to let up for more than half a day. Beyond moving and unpacking, there has been so much family stuff that has needed our attention, that there has been very little room for our own family time. Our connection points lately have been playing skip-bo after dinner and squeezing in a few moments like this in between the demands of life. Simple taking 15 minutes to walk by the river feels like a reset button gets pushed. Ava finds all the boulders to climb and collects cool rocks along the way. James gets quiet and grounded and skips rocks. I wander off, soak in the light glistening on the water and usually take photos. We all have our own little happy zone in different ways in the same place. Days like this, when we can remember to pause long enough to enjoy a simple walk, brings restoration.

WHEN WOMEN GATHER

We have been in this home since 2011. For most of that time I would dream of having people in my space, women particularly, gathered in circles, sharing their hearts within a trusted safe space, and being creative alongside one another. I had officially been back in my home after a long separation for exactly 3 weeks when I moved this idea from just a dream to a reality. I honestly cannot believe how quickly and seamlessly it transpired, after having such a block for years to make it manifest. I guess they say when the time is right…

Everyone brought a little treat to share. It felt so nourishing and abundant… from delicious homemade herbal teas to salad and hummus to fresh fruit. We sat around my tiny kitchen table and snacked and eased our way into getting to know one another. I had spent time with each of these women one on one a few times, but they had not spent intimate time with each other. It was so beautiful to witness the coming together of different personalities, all of which I adore.

We eventually made our way to the backyard. It was evening time and the string lights were on alongside the stars shining down on us. We could hear the laughter of our children running around the woods while James chased them and kept them entertained. We lit some candles, added a few items of symbolism around them and burned some copal. One of my friends noticed that the smoke made its way to each of us in a circle after it was lit. I thought that was a really beautiful thing for her to witness.

We grabbed a deck of oracle cards and decided to pull a card for the person next to us and go around the cirlce, pulling and reading for each other. Just as we were about to begin Ava ran over and sat in the circle with us, so we let her begin the pulling of the cards. It was such a sweet moment, and she intuitively pulled exactly what my friend needed to hear. Each card spoke to us on an individual level, but also ended up feeling like a collective message for us all as well. We each walked away with whispers from the Fruit, the Mountain, the Fire and the River.

Below are a couple short video snippets of the moment. I didn’t take too many photos b/c I was mostly in the moment, but I did try to capture a sliver for rememberance. I’m always grateful when I do. I look forward to allowing this community connection to grow and flow as it wants to. This felt like a really sweet beginning point.

SACRED REVIVAL

A POEM, FROM ME TO JAMES, ABOUT OUR JOURNEY THE PAST 4 YEARS.

Two roads diverged. The path less taken, traveled.

Time suspended. Truth telling and tender.

Rupture. Tectonic shift. Heart-sore. Unslept nights.

Unbecoming. Meeting ourselves.

Stubborn hope and fading embers.

Borrowed rooms. Uncertain ground.

A door closes.

Flawed and unpolished. Connection hungry. Aching.

Mirrors dressed as love. Temporary shelters. Misplaced warmth.

Adrift. Uncertain. Consuming.

Unfurling. Bare feet. Blooming emergence.

Stretching. Unencumbered.

Self reclamation. Reunion within.

Wandering stars. Resilience building.

Signs of spring. Letting go.

Heart cracking open to hope.

A twist of fate. Unforeseen. Door cracked open.

Proceed with caution. Hands reaching slowly.

Morning after a long night. A flicker caught fire.

Turning point.

Softening. Bodies entwined. Turning toward. Deciding again.

Deepening. Seasoned. Aware.

Presence over solitude. Listening. Quiet faith.

Light spilling in. Bridge building. Forgiveness and grace.

An old house, altered. Maps redrawn. Fire stoked.

Becoming us.

Familiar, but altered. Rediscovered.

Uncovered. Chosen again.

A sacred revival.

I’ve been rummaging through my archives alot lately, looking back on the journey… and came across these old gems. I loved this time period.

I HAVE BEEN A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WOMEN

It’s been almost 5 years since I last wrote in this space. My mind is bouncing around reflecting on all of the women I have been within the last half decade. I recall the woman who was terrified of the rupture she was about to create in her world. The woman who found her bravery to burn it all down for the sake of her soul survival. The woman who learned she loved driving and found so much joy in taking herself on adventures. The woman who reclaimed her sensuality through dance, music and self exploration. The woman who created spaces at markets and local shops she had always dreamt of. The woman who made new friends at temples and moon circles. The woman who hiked hill tops for sunsets and dipped in ice cold lakes to meet her edges. The woman who took herself out solo to drag shows, record shops and camping at a music fests she had always wanted to. The woman who found her beauty in going makeup-less and growing out her body hair. The woman wore too many hats at one time and exhausted herself bone deep. The woman who fell in love with a friend who should of just remained a friend. The woman who found herself on the shower floor in complete devastation for months because of that. The woman who found a fire in her belly so deep it scared her. The woman was unable to let kindness be her first reaction in the face of separation. The woman who laughed so hard she peed herself and spit out her soup. The woman who found the poet within. The woman who felt like she was failing as a mother. The woman who also became a more free-spirited, playful mother. The woman who caretook her grandmother for three straight years in the midst of her own unfurling. The woman who met herself with new depth embracing her aging grey hair. The woman who felt lost more times than she could count. The woman who found life giving rituals. The woman who left them all behind for a season. The woman who cut her own bangs and felt empowered and the woman who chopped off her hair and cried for two weeks straight. The woman who found and left pieces of herself in hillside trails, river currents and lovers. The woman who dove headfirst into friendships with an open heart and found acceptance when the time to go our own way came upon us. The woman who thought her heart would never recover only to find the dark nights of the soul were just doorways all along. The woman who got lost only to find herself. The woman who found her way back home. The woman who learned to use her voice and trust her emotions. The woman who finally saw her own patterns that were holding her back. The woman who is still choosing every day to learn the art of patience, compassion and love. The woman who now understands that it is a choice you make in every moment.

I have always loved this poem by Emery Hall… Her reminder to bless each one of the past versions of self. I find so much gratitude in the journey I have been on, even while it brings me immense heartache, it also holds so much human-ness and honesty.