This might be one of my alltime favorite outfits! I wore this to the Kerrville Folk Festival last weekend with my bestie to see David Crosby. I'm pretty much obsessed with this jumper. It is the coziest thing ever. I have a huge love for jumpers, but find myself not wearing them out much b/c its such a freakin' hassle to pee. Truth. But this one has such cozy wide legs, there is no need to strip all the way down just to pee. Just fyi for all those ladies out there who have the same thoughts about jumpers. Just keeping it real here.
Man last weekend was so good. I know I already talked about it so I won't go into it again. But what a great weekend. My spirits really needed the time out, and out of the house!
This week is intense. We are under contract with someone to buy my folks house, and if all goes well, it may be gone by my birthday (the 25th). I leave on vacation in one week and return right when all the action will happen. So I literally just have this week to say my goodbyes. For good. Forever. Shit is getting real. This has been a super long process and journey of letting go. A deep emotional rollercoaster. We are going to spend some time out there today gathering rocks and walking the woods. And saturday we are going to have an intimate camfire with my brother, and spread my dad's ashes on the property.
Speaking of my dad, I had the best dream about him last night. I think he is with me this week as I travel through this process. It took place at my parent's home. There was going to be a going away party, for my mom. My dad was still alive and the house was completely furnished like he was still living there. When I showed up there was people everywhere that I knew, and people from my childhood that I couldn't remember. I was looking everywhere for my dad but I couldn't find him anywhere. I started looking around the house and noticed that everything was super clean and picked up, the bed was even made. I felt something was wrong (my dad never picked up after himself, my mom always kept their place clean). I thought to myself, oh my god, he cleaned the house for me so I wouldn't have to and he killed himself. I panicked going around the place trying to find him. I kept touching people from behind thinking it was him, only for them to turn around and be somebody else. Finally when I had all but given up and realized he was gone, I saw him standing in line in the kitchen waiting for food and talking to people. I went over to him and he smiled and I hugged him with relief that he was alive. Then I felt an immense need to just really hug him. Like squeeze him. I put whatever I was holding down and we hugged each other. Then we fell to the ground together, still hugging and just sat up against the kitchen island embracing each other. I put my head on his shoulder and just soaked it it. He told me that he loved me about three times, and I told him back. It was the most sincere, warm, heartfelt embrace I had ever felt from him. I noticed too that his whole chest had crystals all over it, like amethyst and others. And we just embraced, and then I woke up. I did not want to open my eyes this morning upon waking. I just wanted to stay there in that embrace. In real life my dad was not super affectionate. I knew he loved me, but he did not grow up with warm embraces, and he didn't know how to give them himself. He showed his love in other ways. So this embrace in my dream felt so good.
This dream couldn't of come at a better time with all the I will have to face over the next few weeks. Usually come June I am so excited b/c it's my birthday month (yes I still get excited like a little kid). But I didn't ever realize until yesterday that it is only 15 days away, 14 now. And with everything going on it will be here and gone before I know it. It's weird to think I may be signing my parents home over to someone else on my birthday. But in a way, that will be a huge gift in itself. Just in ways I don't know yet. The whole idea of letting their home go, in exchange to build my dreams in the future, is one of the unknown. I don't know what it looks like yet. So I can only hold the dream that it will be beautiful, and worth the letting go. What a process. My little human heart feels like its been wrung out some days.
